My view of what is beautiful in a woman has started to change. This is probably a lasting impact of my time with Meredith.
I used to wonder about women with brightly dyed hair, tattoos and strange piercings. Why would they do that to themselves? What is wrong with them? There had to be something wrong. They must be damaged, and I wouldn’t want anything to do with them. I liked normal and classic looks.
Oh how times have changed. Meredith did not have tattoos, but she desperately wanted one. Not just any tattoo though. She really wanted me to decide on one for her. What it would be and where it would go. That is the submissive side of her.
There was a struggle within her. A struggle between being seen as this wholesome pure woman, and having a dark sexual side. A dark side that I find absolutely beautiful. She needs to express that dark side, but still maintain her wholesome image.
I think a lot of people struggle with this dilemma. That internal struggle between the way society wants us to be, and the way we feel we are. Sometimes it is sexual and sometimes it is not. We work hard to protect our image we want to project. We also look to find ways to express our darker side.
Now when I see a beautiful woman who has a tattoo or a nose ring or a bright splash of green or pink in her hair I start to wonder. What is her internal struggle? Is it compatible with what I’m seeking, like Meredith’s was? I realize that these things may be done for a variety of reasons, but maybe it’s a signal of that internal struggle. Maybe there is a sexual deviant inside that mind. I know now that a person can be both wholesome and dark at once.
I wonder especially when it comes to tattoos and piercings. Those are painful, and I would bet they are attractive to masochists. More so than the dyed hair. But even with the hair, what are you trying to project? What are you trying to tell me? I want to know.
Unfortunately there seems to be no way to spot these qualities I seek in a woman by sight. How do you spot a beautiful masochistic submissive woman? Most of the time they are just the girl next door. Now I’ve found myself looking for these new markers, and finding them quite attractive.
My favorite is the woman who still looks quite wholesome. She wears a sundress or skinny jeans with flats and a normal blouse. But on her shoulder or ankle you see a flash of a tattoo peeking out. Or perhaps a nose or eyebrow ring. Something small, and a little out of place, but clearly there. Clearly separating her, and possibly pointing to her internal struggle. Possibly trying to send a signal to someone.
Is she looking for someone like me? Does she even know what she seeks? Has she found it already?