I had a dream the other night. Sydney and I were together on a lighthouse. It was raining. Then a storm came in. We were holding hands, and walking around the lighthouse. I guess I still had feelings for her in this dream.
The storm got worse, and the water was rising. This could be because of the hurricane Florence news I was watching. Water was all we could see around us. No more land. Then a giant wave came, and knocked Sydney into the water.
I saw her stare up at me, and she started yelling for help. I looked around, and realized we were alone. No one could see us or hear us. Then I looked behind me and saw a life ring on the wall of the lighthouse. I looked at Sydney screaming for help with desperate eyes, and I looked at the life ring. But I didn’t move. I just stood there.
My mind was trying to calculate if she was worth saving. Was this my chance to escape? She has no family she talks to; no children; almost no friends. Almost no one would miss her. She leaves a trail of damage behind her. All of that was going through my mind, and I didn’t act.
Then I woke up still pondering that dilemma. It was a weird feeling. Like I had murdered someone. I didn’t murder anyone, but I didn’t act to save them either. Intentionally.