Can you force an emotional connection? Can you coax love back into a marriage with touch, empathy and communication? Claire listened to a podcast about emotional connections, and is trying to reach out to me. I can feel it.
At first it seemed very fake. After awhile though I realized that I actually enjoyed the touch. I enjoyed her forcing herself to pay attention to me. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something.
I’m also emotionally crashing from the Sydney fall out. It could be that I just need to feel loved right now. I can sense how weak I am. The attention from Claire is well received. I’m glad she’s trying. I don’t know what will come of it, but I’m glad she’s trying.
On the other hand our love life had taken a bit of a down turn. I think the energy Claire had from the affair discovery has worn off.
There are days like today where I just feel very down. Like I am not worthy of love from anyone. Both affair partners have rejected me. My wife deserves better. What am I doing? I know Claire wants to love me, but I feel that if I come crawling back to her she’s going to flip the tables on me. She wants stability, she doesn’t want me. If I become less of a flight risk per se then she will let me know how she feels without holding back. Because right now I am not lovable from any woman.