Success and then Failure

I did it! At 8:30 I went to coffee with Sydney as expected. On our walk afterward I told her that this wasn’t working, and I think we needed to end our relationship. I couldn’t continue with the way we were going.

She was caught off guard. She was genuinely happy to see me. Thinking nothing was wrong. Then I dumped that on her. She got a little defensive wondering how I could dump this on her out of the blue. I reminded her that it wasn’t out of the blue. We talked last week and it didn’t go well. Then she brought up that my love was conditional which hurt because the condition she was thinking was sex and that isn’t true. It is conditional on wanting to feel happy about the relationship.

She was quietly angry and hurt. I could see it. She has some deep abandonment and trust issues anyway so this wasn’t a positive thing for her to experience. We sort of walked quietly back to the office.

An hour later I tried to send her a message, but she had blocked me on text. Ouch. I sent her a message via our work chat, and she said a couple things that were from a place of defensiveness. I told her we can continue to be work friends, and I would support her on her hunt for a new job.

Then she asked if she could talk to me again. I agreed.

This is where I failed. Where my plan disintegrated. Where my need to move on was trumped by the tenderness of a woman. My strength left me, and I fell into her again.

She was genuinely hurt by my rejection. She seemed surprised at how much my rejection meant to her. How much I meant to her. She did not want to lose me. It upset her that it seemed I was so quickly able to toss her aside. She did not see how hard it was for me or how sick I felt all morning. She begged me to at least give her a chance. To help her understand what I needed, and give her a chance to be there for me.

Sydney was also very emphatic that she did not want to end up in the friend zone. It wasn’t what she wanted for us. She wanted to do more. To be more for me. She admitted she wasn’t in a great state of mind last week when we talked. She missed how important things were. Her sincerity was touching and heart warming.

We discussed all this while walking to a coffee shop. While sitting enjoying a coffee we kissed. In the course of 90 minutes I went from leaving her to kissing her again.

My life has become a soap opera. A very tragic one.

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33 thoughts on “Success and then Failure

  1. Again, bullshit. See how she keeps going back and forth with you? You need to stop this. Stick to your guns with ending it. She was pouting and so she blocked you. I think she knows how easy it is for a man to come to her. She has you in the palm of her hand and she knows it. She can play you and she knows it. She’s not fooling anyone with this “I wasn’t in the right mind”; yes she was. She was just ignoring her play toy for a bit. It’s like when you take a break from social media and then get back on it.
    Best thing to do is block the other person so you don’t have to think about them, can easily forget them, and also to “sting” them with the “you hurt me”. She played the sad wounded kitten, licked her wounds and came back around to you. She played on your emotions cause she knows the vulnerability.
    🙄😒👋🏻

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Of course she was pouting. She was wounded. I’d have done the same thing. Actually I did before. I shut off a couple apps on her when she pulled back several weeks ago. Maybe she is playing with me. But that would be making some crazy assumption that she has it all together and can work the strings like that. Frankly she doesn’t. Most of us don’t. We all just try not to get played by someone else. Honestly I don’t think she knows what she’s doing. That’s what I’m learning lately. She’s actually not very relationship savvy.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You really don’t know women. Women process emotions very differently than men. Ask some women to analyze her behavior pattern.
        She is a pretty young woman who probably has always been able to manipulate men due to her looks. She’s most likely used to getting what she wants from her men by pouting, flirting. Emotional manipulation.
        She might not even recognize that she’s doing it after so many years.
        But PM is being manipulated for her use at her convenience with hard rules to ensure that the affair will never touch her ‘real world’, because she will give up nothing of her real world for her affair.
        PM needs to understand that she’s not in love with him, that his role in her life is to be adoring suitor making her feel beautiful and sexually desirable. What does he get in return? He feels chaos, his family life is being torn apart…
        Wake up PM… You don’t destroy the life of someone you love. Your life is being destroyed.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Quite simply you need to have the balls to take a stand on this and make an actual decision. You clearly don’t have the balls. She is playing you for a fool and you’re just thinking with your dick as always. You are in fact, a remarkably weak man, hell-bent on self-destruction. When it all turns to shit, you will have absolutely noone to blame but you.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. I imagine to leave someone anyone, your wife/husband , girlfriend/boyfriend would be one of the hardest things anyone can do. Especially if you still care for them. But you are being unfair to your wife Clair, she thinks that you are both repairing your marriage. While you are out fantasizing about Sydney. Reality is if you do leave the marriage to be with Sydney or anyone else chances are you will regret the decision. Not the leaving but the using of someone to leave.
    I have my own analogy,
    In life we are given metaphorically a set of crutches. One to hold you up and one to give to your wife/husband to help with your lives together .
    You have taken away Claire’s crutch you gave to her and you have given it to Sydney. And you now have Sydney’s crutch she took away from her boyfriend.
    BUT you still have Claire’s crutch she gave to you. Holding onto both until you decide what you want to do. Leaving Clair vulnerable and confused knowing something isn’t right. That is unfair and frankly pretty deceitful. I don’t know if you understand what I’m trying to say sorry if it doesn’t make sense.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Well there is no leaving Claire to be with Sydney. Syd already made that clear. But I agree it isn’t fair. I feel very guilty about it.

      I do understand your analogy. I know it isn’t right. Thank you for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok, guys, he is having a hard time keeping this story on the rails. Clair’s story has exited stage right. Clair is a doctor. She has access to scary stuff in syringes. What say she injects him while he is asleep and he nearly dies. She loses her license, she goes to jail and he is free to party except for those pesky children. Oh, just thought of something. There are several nurses who see this babe magnet near death and fall madly in love with him and have cat fights over who gets him. He can take this story in a million directions. Still, it is tripe. Fiction/non-fiction still tripe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry you feel this way. I’m only telling what’s going on in my life. You don’t have to follow if you feel it is ‘tripe’. Claire is not a murderer, and I don’t think of my children that way. I don’t know what I could tell you to change your mind but I haven’t been lying.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Is it possible you were dropped on your head as an infant 🙄? I think you and Sydney should get married, have more children, buy a farm, make organic jams, and sit on a porch swing, sipping tea while watching your four children run and play tag in your expansive, emerald green, perfectly cut lawn.. You’ll finished out the day with farm fresh foods for dinner, made by both of you in you’re architectural design-ish kitchen. You’ll work together bathing the kids, reading stories and tucking them into bed, turning out the light, and shutting their doors. Then you’ll get some much needed alone time . You hold hands and you walk to your bedroom where your eyes darken and she gets on her hands and knees while you whip the shit out of her as she whimpers and begs her master to stop.
    Good times 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄!
    Perhaps you need a CT to have your brain thoroughly examined.
    What’s the title of your book? Claire Bear’s Revenge? I hope Claire has someone tailing your dumbass to gain evidence to take you down! Then I hope she kicks you down and steps on you.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I mean….I had to write something as ridiculous as his life. I meant to add that Claire was in the barn milking the grass fed cow in hopes of making the best fresh cream for Sydney and Beyond Patient’s coffee in the morning. This is the way she thanks them for allowing her to live in the guest house so they can both be in their children’s lives daily. She also gets “treated” with her style of vanilla sex every Wednesday at 9:30am. She knows she can always count on this treat because that’s when Sydney does Bikram yoga for 90 minutes followed by an intense meditation session. Claire has really enjoyed her turn as mistress and hump day has become her favorite day of the week. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
        This guy!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So, for real, it’s been 24 hours now, and I’ve been randomly bursting out in laughter. I can’t remember the last time I got the giggles like this… organic jams did me in.

        Now poor Claire is in the freaking barn waiting for Wednesday… you are amazing ❤️

        He is definitely looking for some kind of fantasy life that does not exist.

        I sign on today, and find myself slightly disappointed there isn’t a new entry. I need my fix PM!

        Liked by 2 people

      3. 😂😂😂 Pathetically, I entertained myself with that one.

        His blog allows me to let out some of my anger from being cheated on. I would like to shake him and make him realize what he has. I have a feeling his marriage and wife are quite good. I think once someone cheats they keep thinking something is better out there. So sad.

        Like

      4. I’m glad you can find mirth at my expense. I know how you feel. You’ve been very solid about that from the beginning. My wife is great – she is wonderful. But our marriage is not great. It was a charade of a good marriage. A marriage where everything gets shoved under the rug. I don’t ever want to go back to that marriage. Even if Claire and I stay together we will have a different marriage.

        Like

      5. Sorry….I got a little silly. Still, I’m sure Claire could made the hell out of some fresh cream. I’m certainly TEAM CLAIRE!!! Im not a fan of Sydney. She’s tricky. Tricky people are trouble.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Team Claire. I like that. From the vampire books right? She is tricky, but I do think the crowd here gives her way more credit for being manipulative with forethought than she is actually capable. She’s struggling to make this all work as much as I am. She’s really not good at relationships. That’s what I’m learning.

        Like

      7. Haha. No, no vampire books but that’s funny. Still Team Claire but the vampire thing has me thinking she may suck your blood for revenge.
        Interesting.
        Sydney….🤦🏼‍♀️. Just imagine she has a horrible disfiguring VD. Like in those scary textbooks. Those pictures….think of those when you think of her. Problem solved!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Ok… PM, have you ever heard of Love Addiction? Not even sex… look it up. You seem to have those traits. Read about it.

    You will always be on the search for that high.

    I don’t believe this is not real. I do believe this is your life. But for real… you have a large following, we yell at you, we get pissed. We just want you to do the right thing.

    End it with Claire.

    Then take us on the journey of you and Sydney. I don’t think any of us like her. She’s playing little girl games. It’s annoying AF.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I do seem to have a following of angry people. Just what everyone who writes is looking for. Angry “fans”.

      Sydney isn’t my future. There is no journey with her. Playing games is actually putting way too much on her. She actually has no idea what she’s doing. She very unsavvy when it comes to relationships.

      I will look up love addiction. Sounds viable. It’s a form of something we’ve been discussing at therapy which I’ll be posting about later.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. She is playing games with you, damn is she good at it. Makes me sick. She reminds me of my husband’s ow. So glad my husband had the balls to tell her it was over even when she was boo hooing that my husband said he’d always be there for her. Sydney has you and her boyfriend right where she wants you both. I feel sorry for your wife and I really hope you’ll stop leading her on with hopes of reconciliation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s possibly but I really think you’re giving her way too much credit in pulling off a heist. I think she’s more of a scared little girl in her now adult body afraid of being abandoned and not sure how to navigate. She gets comfortable then when I say there is a problem she panics.

      I’m not intending to lead Claire on. A part of me thinks maybe this is a bump and we can get back on track. It’s worth trying. Of course I admit my trying does not feel very genuine.

      Like

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