I’ve been reading a book that is quite enlightening about my situation. It’s a novel about a soccer mom who runs a carpool for neighborhood kids. She inadvertently walks in on her neighbor having sex with a much younger man.
The lady having the affair stops the affair, but a series of unfortunate events cause it to be found out anyway. The reaction from her husband is swift and severe. He kicks her out, and is over the top mean to her. There is also a section from the children’s perspective that just wrenches at my heart.
Thinking of my children just kills me. I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t want them to feel abandoned. I don’t want them to have to grow into adults too soon because of their parent’s mistakes.
Sydney and I went out for drinks at the end of work. She is great. She is fun. We will never have a future though. We will never even have an intimate physical relationship. It’s beginning to be obvious. I know she wants to, but she feels so down when we must part. Which we must do each time because we are not together.
The rest of this week we will barely see each other due to some odd schedules. This is as good a time as any to clamp down on the relationship. I know I said I would do this before, and I did in a way. I took my heart and future out if it. Now I think I need to take all the flirting and fun out. Back to work. No more games.
Other parts of the books remind me of my wife and me. Not in good ways. Honestly I’m feeling very detached from her right now. We went to her high school reunion and her friend’s wedding recently. Both were very illuminating to me on how she makes me feel. I don’t like it. I wish the solution to this did not mean breaking up my family.