With all the emotional shit going on I have not been myself. Very preoccupied. Yesterday was the first day I felt free of that in a long time. Less time thinking about other people and more time being me. Authentically me. It was a good day. I kicked ass at work. I was blunt with Sydney. I was available and loving with my wife and kids.
I need more days like this and less days feeling bad about myself. I am really good at my job and being a dad when I focus on it. I’m refocusing starting today. No morning coffee with Sydney. No texting her through the day. I’ll respond if she reaches out with a question but that will be about it. We will meet up at the end of the day for a final happy hour today, and then it will be over.
I feel good about this. I really liked who I was yesterday. Frankly Sydney is very judgemental, and makes me feel bad about myself quite often. Something that’s easier to over look if there is physical affection to repair the damage. Not as easy when that goes away. I don’t need that in my life as “friends”.
Time to move on. Time to refocus on the core things in my life and knock them out of the park.