Sydney Suspicions

My wife and I were talking about Meredith and how my wife knew more than I did early on in my relationship with Meredith. Then she tells me that she thinks I’m doing the same thing with Sydney! Whoa! I was shocked to hear this. I don’t talk about Sydney very often at home.

My wife can be very perceptive about some things. I don’t know if she picking up on some kinds of tone or specific word choice but that was uncanny.

I did talk to our counselor about Sydney though so I need to be more honest about it with my wife. It’s really difficult to do. I know everyone keeps saying trickle truth is the worst, but my wife can literally only absorb so much at once and has asked me to hold back on things. But today if we get the chance I will tell her more about Sydney – at least what it means to me that she exists and that there is an attraction.

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13 thoughts on “Sydney Suspicions

  1. APM. You’ve mentioned several times how your wife cannot be vulnerable with you and how much of a block this has been to any kind of a connection. If you cannot be honest and truthful with her after so much time and so much dishonesty when she has handed you an opening to do, and if you continue to dole out bits of information piecemeal even knowing full well the damages of trickle truth, I think we will need to acknowledge that the real problem with vulnerability in this relationship is coming from you.

    Do not use her legitimate and rightful potential emotional reactions to devastation, infidelity, loss, and betrayal as a reason to be anything less than 100% honest.

    Being upset is incredibly natural for someone who has gone through what she has recently experienced.

    Being devaststed is part of the healing process from infidelity.

    Betrayal is not a gentle experience.

    Handling it well does not always mean handling it with stoicism and a stiff upper lip, and not causing discomfort or inconvenience for other people.

    Grieving and raging are both part of the process.

    You say that she has incredible support and is handling this very well, but you are continually deciding for her what she is and is not ready to know. Meanwhile, you continue to engage in infidelity. This is not past tense, this is present tense.

    Please stop trying to control the narrative and manage your wife’s emotions. You resigned from that job. You need to step back and allow her to feel what she will feel. This is not your place.

    It’s beyond time to just be honest. She knows you better than you think.

    Liked by 7 people

  2. One other thing. You say you need to be “more honest” with your wife about Sydney.

    That is some very, very faulty thinking.

    You do not need to be more honest about anything, you just need to be honest.

    Period.

    Just be honest.

    Liked by 9 people

  3. As someone who was betrayed and also confessed, I know both sides of this coin. You need to just sit her down and tell her everything. This is for your benefit, as well as hers. The only way for either of you to begin the process of moving on, or picking up the pieces of your life- is for full disclosure to occur. Every day that more info is found out, causes you to be pulled back into a state of chaos. I remember thinking, “For fucks sake- just rip off this band aid and tell me everything!!” I pleaded with my husband to tell me it all for weeks, and yet he still trickled truth. It added way more stress (the unknown) than needed to be.

    Honestly- its gut wrenching to listen to. But it makes it 100o times worse if you don’t just say it all at once. I get the hesitation. I was there myself- unsure of exactly what I should say for fear of hurting my husband any further. I truly get it. But trust me: take a leap of faith and tell her everything. Because it’s the only way for you both to move forward and start the healing process. Your wife is handling this VERY well and based on everything you’ve written so far, she will be able to get through this storm. She sounds like a amazing woman, with an inner strength that will carry her through these times.

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  4. Men aren’t that good at hiding things. There’s a change in behavior, receipts in pockets, never letting your phone out of your sight, making up random excusing that never sound real. You guys drop clues like raindrops on a stormy day, all over the place. Women are like little intuitive detectives. We may be in denial momentarily but in that denial we’re still mentally and physically collecting evidence and noting changes. It’s even in the way you touch us and engage in conversations. She is basically giving you permission to tell it all. Do it. She may know way more than you think. I always did.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not just a man or woman thing. People in affairs think they are hiding more than they are. Meredith wasn’t any better at it and her husband was just as perceptive as you describe women.

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      1. You’re probably right. I’ve just always thought of women as more intuitive but I can totally see it may be due to the people around me. See another negative about cheating, it obviously kills brain cells. Bam!

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  5. There are ALWAYS signs – ones that the betrayed tend to ignore and stay silent on so as to not rock the already rocking boat. Mr. Perfect would tell me the most obvious lie, yet I would tell myself he couldn’t possibly lie to me – because THAT is what I wanted to believe.

    She knows more than you think and is probably going to start really digging into some shit – phone records, bank records, emails. Be prepared. I would disclose everything now, save her the investigative anxiety. She deserves the truth from your mouth after all of the shit you’ve put (are putting, and are going to put) her and the kids through.

    I support all humans being happy, but I do not support abuse. No more lies.

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  6. I’m two years into trickle truth. It fucking sucks. We are much stronger than you think we are (betrayed). It is a big blow, but when my husband thinks he is doing me a favor by not being truthful, that’s wrong. He’s not protecting me, he’s protecting himself.

    You got this PM… you know what has to be done. It’s not easy for either of you.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Total honesty and full disclosure. Get it all out there at once – don’t give a little bits, there are always contradictions and questions just making it worse.
    Wife may say she can’t handle it all at once but all she’s doing is asking to have the pain spread out over a longer time period.
    It’s the same as having your loved one tell you they’ve just been diagnosed with cancer. You don’t think you can handle all the terrible news at once. But if they give it to you in bits as you requested – ‘I have lung cancer’ ‘It’s stage 4’, ‘I have 4-6 mos’. Every piece of information breaks your heart again with each disclosure. Saying it all once gives you all the heartbreak immediately and then allows the time afterward to learn how to cope.
    Works the same with infidelity, except easier than death.

    Liked by 1 person

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