That is the question my wife asked me, and it keeps floating around in my head. She is right you know. With both an emotional and physical affair what remains for the spouse?
An emotional affair covers the emotional and intellectual bonding of a couple. When I was with Meredith we bonded on such a strong level it was hard for me to contemplate. Before I considered it an affair I told my wife how wonderful it was to be around Meredith and how well she understood me. Of course my wife remembers those comments. Either way Meredith and I had a much stronger emotional and intellectual bond than I’ve ever had with my wife.
Then you add in sex which is another core component of a romantic relationship. Sex with my wife was not fulfilling for me. I was always searching for something different even when I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. More of a subconscious act. Meredith and I had some of the greatest sexual experiences of my life. They were all earth shattering.
When you add up those two elements then you get to my wife’s question, what’s left? I have to agree with her there. Even if you take Sydney out of the equation there is an emptiness for me in this marriage that I don’t think can be filled. I want those two things more than almost anything. I want them to be the core of my primary relationship moving forward.
My wife is never going to be able to fulfill the sexual side. We have tried. She is not interested. I also don’t think we will ever have a great emotional bond. It’s just not part of who she is. I don’t think she can or would be willing to fundamentally change who she is nor do I think she should. She is wonderful, just not for me.
On top of that she does not want to be in a marriage where she does not feel valued for her emotional and sexual connection. She will not ask me to stay just for the kids. She will only ask me to stay if she thinks she can have that level of bond with me in the future. She desires strongly to be a good wife. She needs to be everything for her spouse, and she knows now that she cannot fill that role with me.