Sydney Takes a Trip

If you are angered by reading about Sydney you may not want to read this.

Sydney left this morning to go on a week long vacation with her boyfriend and his family. It was something planned a long time ago. She nearly decided not to go, but I’m glad she is going. It will be good for her. Good for us.

While she is gone we are going to stop all communication. That made her sad, but I told her she needs to really consider her own situation as well. Take the time to do that with him.

My situation requires most of my attention right now. I have already changed some of the dynamic with Sydney, but I feel that I need even more change. Patience as well. No matter how my life moves forward we are a long way from ever being a complete couple. We can take a break, and if things come back together later then it will be worth the wait. If they don’t, life goes on.

We have somewhat fallen into a routine. Each morning I meet her for coffee and we take a long walk together. Sometimes we end up in this semi-private building in the city where we have some privacy in the stairwell. It’s not glamorous, but it’s a place we can remain discreet. We will kiss and hold each other during those times. For awhile we were a little hot and heavy – and also handsy. We have scaled back quite a bit the last two weeks. Just hugging now.

Lunches we try to have together when possible. We usually have a margarita with lunch. We walk to the bus together after work. Mostly we talk. We love talking about things together. We cycle through many topics. The conversations are wide open and very freeing. There is some texting of an evening or weekend, but she’s not one to be on her phone much. In case you are wondering we have not had sex. It’s not on the agenda.

This past week Sydney started to change. It was interesting to watch. She went from intense, uncontrollable lust for me to a more calm introspective phase. Her initial emotions started to wear off, and she is now able to think practically about our situation. She started questioning things such as our political differences and whether I could support her on her non-negotiable items. Her position changed from pure desire to a practical evaluation of the chance of a long-term relationship. It was fun to watch. I smiled inwardly as I realized what she was doing. Nothing bad, mind you, just a refocus on long-term viability.

The political discussion led to a big misunderstanding where neither of us communicated well via text (doesn’t politics always do this?). We both felt hurt and told the other. We talked about it in person and cleared up most everything. There was still some remaining uncertainty for the next day or so, but we both ended up apologizing and making amends. We also learned from the experience and set new ground rules to text discussions.

Sydney really likes touch. It’s one of her love languages. We are not often able to experience touch, but we find places where we can hold hands periodically. It’s nice. She’s so sweet and sensitive underneath. Even though her outer shell can be quite intimidating. Most people see her as demanding, very smart and no nonsense. An unemotional work-aholic. I know they think this because I work with them, and I hear them discuss Sydney. Yet, she lets me see inside her shell. It’s a beautiful place, and frankly I don’t care what others think.

When we first started talking and I could see where this was headed I asked her if she had ever been in an affair or dated a married man. She emphatically responded NO! As if questioning that was a moral assault. Yesterday I asked her how it is going dating a married man, and she said it’s awkward and strange having to keep everything a secret. She really wants the secret to be over, but she is so into me she can’t stop what we have. I guess she has accepted where we are.

She has also started to notice things about her boyfriend that she realizes are not working. Nothing new really, but you get comfortable with the status quo. Such as her concern that he seems very bisexual or even gay, but won’t admit it or talk about it. She thinks he should explore it, but he won’t even discuss it. He likes many of the same things as her, but he is also very feminine in his demeanor. At first she found that to be nice and safe, but she now sees that she really needs to be with someone more masculine. He has confessed his selfishness to her which she struggles with. In the end she has never really dated anyone like me, and she is starting to see why her other relationships all failed. They were all what she logically thought she should want, but not what she is actually attracted to. She doesn’t think she would’ve ever intentionally sought me out in the past. I didn’t check the boxes on her dating profile. (Read The Rosie Project).

I’ll just wrap things up here by acknowledging that I know all of this is wrong. I do. This relationship should not be happening. I am doing work to slow it down while I get my affairs in order. It’s a huge wake up call to me. I need to change my life. This break is going to be good. It will give us separation and a chance to reset. Sydney knows where I stand. I know where she stands. Now we must wait for a future where we might be together. I’m going to double down on dealing with my wife, but I just wanted to share how things are going with Sydney.


9 thoughts on “Sydney Takes a Trip

  1. She changed because she doesn’t know if she really wants this now since you’re making big changes. The ungettable get isn’t as much fun once the chase if over. Now she probably doesn’t want to be he one “with” you after your marriage ends. That’s on her reputation too. My guess is she’ll run, cut you off, and stop communicating completely. Just a guess.

    FYI, you have children. Think of the stories they’ll get to hear about you as they get older. Stop it!


  2. Being in a secret relationship is kind of hot. I understand that. My best friend kept hers a secret for nearly 4 years until I came along. When I finally guided her into spilling, she purged and feels the weight she’s carried with it has lifted.
    I still urge you to be cautious with your heart and Sydney’s mind. Some women tend to focus all thought on what could be, while letting reality settle down way in the back of their minds. Once the veil is lifted, and reality starts rolling in, it’s a hard process to re-sort. It may be easier for her to justify the “affair” in her mind by questioning her boyfriends sexuality. I’ve done that move before.
    How are YOU going to handle your thought process while she is away? When the person you’ve grown accustomed to being open with is incommunicado, it’s worrisome. Find something to help focus your mind to keep your word of not communicating while she is away. Take the time promised to see things clearly. In my case, out of sight does NOT mean out of mind. My mind goes into overdrive with the hundred things a day I want to say to my person, and can’t.
    Sending positive vibes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I look forward to the weight being lifted. I think Sydney and I both tend to be future planners. Always thinking about what could be. Hey boyfriend’s sexuality she questioned way before she knew me. She had a conversation with him about it last October and I didn’t meet her until December. But the affair is certainly making her question what that means for her.
      I plan on staying focused on my wife and some large projects. Of course my mind will go there but I’ll work to bring it back to something more productive.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I feel like I’m missing something important here.

    Looking back through your earlier posts about Meredith, I noticed that you devote a portion of your time to discussing the negative characteristics of her husband. Now I’m noticing the same kinds of information being shared about Sydney’s partner, which to my outside perspective seems like somewhat superfluous information.

    This struck me as a bit unusual, because you are not personally well acquainted with either man and seemingly should have no vested interest in their any of their flaws and/or attributes outside that of a stranger. (Definitely not to the extent that it should be noteworthy enough information to merit coverage on your personal blog, especially since you do not spend a lot of time discussing a plethora of people on this blog. In fact, seemingly only the most important ones in your life.)

    I’m not really getting it, so maybe you can expand a bit here on your thought process. Why is this information important to you? Why does it matter to your narrative? Do you feel like this says something about them? Do you feel like it says something about you? What does their sexuality and masculinity as perceived by your affair partners mean to you? Do you think about other male acquaintances in the same way, or is this particular to specific individuals?

    Help me understand why you are spending time thinking about these betrayed men, and why this is important to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I think I’m relaying what is on their minds. I felt with Meredith especially that people didn’t really understand her and why she was doing what she was doing. I actually spent considerable time trying to find things that were her words directly. In order to help people understand her. Because writing all this about Meredith and Sydney sounds very much like bragging to me at times, but it’s not that. Talking about the troubles they are facing in relationships I feel rounds out the discussion a little.


  4. Hi I’ve been reading through your post from the beginning. If you feel you need to be on your own thats fine. BUT. BDSM is a lifestyle, Meredith had already entertained the thought of that lifestyle. Sydney has not, you introduced that lifestyle to her and like a lot of people was intrigued. I think Sydney is wrong for you. I think within 6 months she will grow tired of the lifestyle and possibly begin to resent you. On the other note wih her boyfriend, everyone can see how their current relationship lacks when thinking about being with someone else. I could be wrong but Sydney is not what you are looking for. Look for a true BDSM Submissive, not a introduce one.

    Liked by 1 person

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