What we, the counselor and I, decided was to tell all. I know not everyone here agrees and that’s fine. I think it needs to be done. Should have been done awhile ago. I will tell my wife about the affair as part of why I don’t think we should be together anymore. It helps fill in the gaps of understanding. Because without the affair it may have taken me much longer to understand these things about myself and would’ve really questioned how real they were. But I believe it was destined to happen at some point. Exhibit A – Sydney.
Due to scheduling this will be dragged out a little bit. In two weeks we will meet with the counselor, and I will tell my wife how I feel. Then a week later we have another appointment of which it may just be my wife, or both of us if she wants.
This was really fucking hard. I talked through it all with the counselor. We are not romantically compatible anymore. Maybe we never were. But it’s more than that. It all comes back to communication. We cannot talk about anything she considers uncomfortable (which includes a wide range of things I find important). My affair should never have happened. But it did. All those things I learned about myself I had tried to discuss with my wife over the years, but she shot those conversations down quickly.
Communication, communication, communication. It’s so important. It’s actually one of the things that draws me to Meredith and Sydney. We can discuss anything. ANYTHING! That is the life I need. That is the life filled with intellectual adventure and wild interesting sex.
I’m not sure what else to say here. I’m planning on telling my wife that I want a divorce. I’m planning on telling her about the affair. I’m planning on telling her that nothing is imminent. We can take our time and talk through things. I feel very bad. Very very bad. I hate that it is coming to this.