Clearly something is out of whack with my emotional state around her. I can’t get a grip on it. I think my mind is sabotaging me by attributing feelings from Meredith to Sydney. It’s not a fair thing to do for her or for me. She clearly does not feel the same way back, nor should she. It’s ridiculous, but I can feel it inside me.
I’m going to slow things down. Way down. Which shouldn’t be hard. She’s really busy right now with a product launch, and I have kids that keep me from nearly all happy hours. Life will go on at a slower pace.
How will I do this? Just stop reaching out unless it is a really obvious situation where I would reach out to her. If she wants to talk or go to lunch she can let me know, but I’m going to just let it lapse to perhaps every other week we touch base. Which means also picking up the old habits and relationships I had been forming at a faster pace.
I had put some activities, and relationships on the back burner while I was exploring things with Sydney. She didn’t really enjoy the large group settings, and frankly niether do I, but I feel they are important to my job. I felt I could sacrifice a few to get to know Sydney better, and it was fun, but I can’t do it every week. Time to go back to who I was.