I was listening to a story about moving on. It was in relation to moving on from the loss of a spouse, but it had a good message for me as well. One effective way to start to change your mindset is to consider what the person whom you lost would want you to be doing. Would they be pleased or saddened by how you’ve dealt with the grief?
What I really liked about this is how positive it is. You can still honor the person and love the person even though they are gone. Because I cannot generate negative feelings for Meredith, using this new method allows me to use those positive feelings to my advantage and help me move on.
So now I ask myself, what would Meredith want for me right now? Would she want me stuck and unable to move forward? Absolutely not, she is far too caring. She would want me to strengthen my family. To turn in toward my wife and find a peace with my life.
Meredith seems to have come to terms with the fact that there is no future for us. Not now, not ever. The value of dreaming about that possibility is a negative impact on where you are. She would want me to stop thinking about her. To stop worrying about her. To kill any dreams I have of us.
Ten years from now if Meredith hears about me from someone she would want to hear that I’m still happily married. She would want to hear that my children are doing well, and that I have become a great father to my kids. That my career is going well, and I’ve found ways to explore my creative side.
She would also want me not to lose myself. I know she would hope that I could find what I need with my wife in some fashion. The needs that Meredith previously met. That someday we might even be able to cross paths and not long for each other.
She would want me to go through counseling with my wife. She would want me to be open and honest with my wife. To tell her everything even at my own or her own expense. She would want me to turn into my wife and do the work needed to repair the damage we caused.
Honestly I know Meredith wants the best for me as I do for her. Yet she wants the best for me without her in the picture.