Moving On

I started a new job recently. It’s been a really good transition, but also stressful. There is a lot to learn, and a lot of responsibility that I never had before. Definitely looking forward to it. The lack of responsibility in my last job was one of the main reasons to leave it!

The new job has far fewer reminders of Meredith. In fact no one at the new place knows me at all. A fresh start. They also don’t know Meredith. That doesn’t mean I don’t still think about her everyday, but the frequency has lessened. It’s maybe down to a dozen points in the day. Generally when there is down time. Like right now.

My wife and I are working on the things her counselor suggested. We are reading a novel together at night, and I sent her a wordpress blog to read. I think the two of those should help give her some context which is our goal now. To give my wife context, and help her see what this could look like so that she may make an informed decision. Of course they are both based on healthy BDSM lifestyles.

How is it going? Well, actually. This weekend, even though we had family in town, we had some mind blowing sex. Twice. She was very submissive, and she had a great time. The best part though is that we sort of talked about it later. There was more openness about what we both enjoyed it did not. We never talk about sex, but this time we did.

Plus the book we are reading is quite graphic. It gets us both pretty turned on. But it also opens us up to talk about those same explicit concepts together.

Overall I wouldn’t say it’s all better. There are still some major concepts that I can still only ever see happening with Meredith, but it is better. The way I think about it is that we are both trying this on as a new marriage together. Being open about what we want together. If it works then we will get there. If it doesn’t then at least we gave it our all, and she knows what is driving me. We must be more open and communicative.

Oh, another side note. When we get a lot of family around she’s often quite loud and domineering in the conversation and jumps ahead and ruins my stories. It drives me batty! Meredith NEVER did that because she was in my head and knew what I was doing. Anyway, this weekend I snapped a couple words at her from a much more confident dominant perspective, and she realized what she was doing and stopped. She didn’t get mad about it like in times past! We may be getting somewhere. Next step – those outbursts lead to spankings 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Moving On

  1. I have followed your blog for a while. I read your posts and sometimes I get so angry. You are so focused on what YOU want, when are you going to care about what your wife wants? She’s loud or tells stories differently than you, you can choose to find that endearing, instead you just look at how it effects you. You are a very selfish man from what you blog about. I sometimes feel sad for your wife because it seems like she is losing every part of who she is to make you happy. As a betrayed wife, I see these things from her side. She is doing all she can to hold on to the man that she thinks she is losing. And she is losing herself instead.

    Please consider all you are taking from your wife, while building your dominate role.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry I seem to upset you so much. This blog is definitely skewed towards my own personal problems and I probably am being selfish right now. I went nearly 20 years doing everything for my wife.

      For the record I feel very bad for my wife too. I see her changing herself for me as well and it makes me sad. I consider her very much. I even ask her about what she is doing and whether it’s for her or just for me. But how do we move forward? Just give up and leave her? Just push all my needs back down into a box to keep my wife happy? The depression would kill me. It’s not a very easy answer with kids involved. I’m trying to work through it but there are no easy answers.

      I appreciate your honesty and again I’m sorry it upsets you so.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You shouldn’t feel the need to apologize. I realize that what I read here is not 100% representative of your life or your marriage. I understand that everyone wants to live the life they feel they are entitled to and I am not trying to say that you shouldn’t be happy. I also spent many, many years living for my husband, in every way. And HE cheated on me, and I am still bending my happiness to meet in the middle with him. He is coming towards me more, much more, than he did before. But, I am still worried about his happiness, I hope that he is worried about mine as much. I honestly quit reading your blog for a while, so I don’t know what has been written recently. However, when I read before, you held Meredith up on such a high pedestal, that no one would ever live up to her. Hidden relationships are never the same once they are known and in public. The fantasy of it all makes it all surreal and way more fun. Without the stresses of real life, there is no stress in the relationship either. You don’t have kids, bills, real life, to get in the way of this perfect existence. If you had that with your wife, and you gave her the same attention you gave Meredith, and you talked openly with your wife the same, don’t you think that your marriage would have become better than what it was? There are always 2 people that can improve or damage a marriage and it takes both of them openly communicating and working. However, unless she came into your marriage with the goal and understanding of being in a dom/sub relationship, you could really be damaging her in ways I don’t think you understand. If she is not fully committed to the role, and she is just taking it on to make you happy, it could border on assault for her. I am NOT saying that is what you are doing. I am not saying that at all, so please don’t think I am implying that you are doing anything criminal to your wife, because I know that isn’t what your preferred lifestyle is about. I am just saying that if she is doing things that she is not truly comfortable with, it could be really damaging to her self worth and her sense of self.

    I am not saying that I know better than you what you or your wife are feeling. I do not live your life and I know that I only read a snippet of what your life is.

    Liked by 1 person

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