Well it was a bit rough. Very different than my previous counselor. This was my wife’s counselor who we are now going to work with. She was fair. She did a good job tempering my wife to keep her from flooding. She also did a good job understanding me and clarifying for my wife. I appreciated that.
I was hoping to talk mostly about communication but the counselor wanted to talk about something else, and observe our communication. So we tackled sex. Oh boy. I find it difficult to discuss with my wife what it is I seek. Something that was so easy with Meredith. Honestly, what I am seeking is the connection I had with Meredith. That isn’t fair to my wife to look at it that way so I need to find ways of understanding for myself what was so important about it in ways she could understand.
One thing the counselor was sure to point out to my wife was that I wasn’t just asking for more sex or more interesting sex. I was asking for us to reorganize our relationship. She kept saying “this is a big deal. A big change. You’ll need time to consider if this is something you want to do.” I really liked that. It’s been hard to get my wife to think of it as more than just role playing twice a week in the bedroom. Now I think she at least understands the gravity of it.
I also liked that the counselor made it clear she had a choice. She does not have to just go along with this. She can consider and then say “No” if she so desires. I want her to know that, too. This isn’t a forced thing. She has to want this as much as I do. I don’t think she ever will, but we are going to start by helping her learn more about it.
Another thing. At one point she asked me what I want her to do. I said I don’t want you to do anything. I want you to want to do this. I want to know what excites you. This is as much about what you desire as myself. As a submissive you need to know what you need, and then I am in charge of making sure you get what you need. It’s not just about me or pleasing me. Yes, I would be in charge, but with an intense focus on what you desire.
I think that was another pivotal moment as I saw her really stop and think about it. She kept looking for me to tell her what to do, but in the end it was really about her desires. She hadn’t considered that side except as a defense against me.
It was a good first meeting. Unfortunately due to my job changing it will probably be a few weeks before the next, but we will do some homework until then.