Ongoing Affair

Yesterday I spent thinking a lot about Meredith. She added a lot to my life. I added a lot to hers. One thing I was thinking about was what it would look like if we were able to continue our affair. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be an affair though. Maybe it would be more of an arrangement. Meredith isn’t happy in her marriage because something big is missing. I’m the same in my marriage. Would it be possible to stay married and keep our families together yet meet up periodically to physically and mentally enjoy each other? 

On one hand it would be nice. I would be quite happy with that. It would cheer up Meredith as well. Could our spouses understand that we still love them and our families yet we need this outlet with each other? Would they at least enjoy that we feel whole and happy? Likely not. 

On the other hand it really wouldn’t be enough. What we want from a relationship together is so much more encompassing. An all the time type of d/s relarionship. Those would be difficult to satisfy with periodic meetips. 

In the end the whole thing is just a fantasy. Back to the same place. Deal with my marriage first. 

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5 thoughts on “Ongoing Affair

  1. I wonder if polyamory is more fitting to you than monogamy. We can’t expect that ONE person is to satisfy all of our needs. We are social creatures and there has been that growing debate if monogamy is realistic for us.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Does you wife know how you feel about Meredith? Does it worry her?

    Has she shared what she feels about your marriage? Is there anything that she sees amiss?

    Is Meredith’s value more because she continues to be elusive?

    Is her husband aware of the affair? Did he have an opinion about it?

    Jeebz, I did not want to be that interrogative….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Not a problem! Ask away. My wife knew Meredith and I were close. Not how close though. She knows that we are no longer friends and that I was sad for a period of time. I don’t think it worries her anymore if it did. I try to keep her from thinking about it too much.

      My wife and I have started to communicate about how we both feel. She is mostly happy with the marriage. Sex isn’t a big thing for her so it’s hard for her to understand my frustrations. Honestly I think if we never had sex again she’d be fine with that. But she knows we have communication issues. That is our big one. We don’t discuss hard things or things in depth. She gets overwhelmed and shuts conversations down. I don’t think she knows how hard that is for me. To navigate her outbursts and to not have a conversation about things with my #1 confidant. We are almost business like in how we operate on a daily basis. Very efficient but sweep anything else under the rug.

      Meredith’s value isn’t because of elusiveness. We both agreed no contact starting in April. Her value to me is as a friend, a person, and a lover. She opened my eyes to a life I always imagined and never thought possible. From deep and meandering conversations to a sexual relationship beyond compare. From her amazing parenting skills to her artistic abilities. There are so many wonderful things and she brought out sides of me I hadn’t seen in years. She truly supported me as me. Some days I’m not sure my wife even knows the real me and se certainly doesn’t take the time to support me.

      Her husband is aware of the affair. He had very strong opinions about it. I am the devil in his mind. His wife gets a pass. I understand the mentality and don’t blame him for that.

      Thanks for reaching out!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I found that the longer these things go on, the more you want to end your marriage. I got to the point where I cheated so much, that any connection I had to my wife had died, and so I divorced her. I think it’s important to question why you want to cheat – is it time to get out of the marriage?

    Liked by 1 person

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