When does love die?

Falling in love is a very common expression and concept. We have many ways of talking about it. For some it was love at first sight. Others had to let the feeling grow on them for awhile. Some had a particular moment or event where they can pinpoint feelings changed. Everyone loves to talk about falling in love. 

What about when love dies? How do we know when that has happened? Does it require both people to be out of love or only one? Is there an alternate feeling to know you have reached that point?

I suppose love lives within each person so it would die within each person individually. That’s kind of sad to think, but the reason we have unrequited love. A love not returned. If love can die individually then it is most likely that it happens that way when couples split. One person loses the love much faster than the other. The one who remains is left hurt and angry, not able to understand how they could just move on. 

For most I would suspect love grows slowly over time and dies in a similar fashion. Even if there is an event that changes everything (such as an affair), the love often holds on for some time. 

Personally I am slow to love and slow to let go. Sometimes I wonder if I ever let go. The same is true for anger with me. It takes a lot to bring out my rage, but then I don’t forgive for decades. Perhaps this is part of my own emotional learning. I need to continue to learn how to process my emotions and understand them. 

I have found that I can have romantic love for more than one person. The love has not died with either. I don’t know if it ever can. 


5 thoughts on “When does love die?

  1. I don’t think you were saying this at all here but my thoughts on this are, a lot of people confuse love for infatuation. The beginning of a relationship is so alive and great but as a relationship continues the love changes. It should deepen but it also becomes work. You need to tend to love like a garden or it gets overgrown with weeds. It gets overgrown with disappointments, resentment, and misunderstandings. The person you once loved becomes a roommate that irritates you. We all go into marriages unprepared on how to maintain it and if you’re both not on the same page on how this happens, it gets very frustrating. It’s more complicated than it ever looked when we were younger. Over time our marriages turn into misery for one or both and the love starts dying, like a garden the flowers or vegetables that you are trying to get to grow, bloom or produce die and you can’t even look at it anymore. The work to get it back to where it was is overwhelming because everything is dead except the weeds that are now 3 feet high and too thick to walk through. So here is where the decision is made….do you do the hard work to bring it back to its original glory/love or do you mow it all down and forget a garden/happy marriage was ever your dream? Heavy crossroad there. This is where mistakes are make. At this crossroad….bring the garden back or find something new to do.

    Your situation is complicated. I bet you’ve even considered polygamist might have it right and we the “marry one person to love forever” are wrong. You probably haven’t given it serious thought but it’s crossed your mind. You stepped out and fell hard. You had that rush of lust on top of actually really liking the other person…maybe loving. Then at home your wife’s faults start becoming more obvious. It’s your way to survive the situation. Justification. We all do it. But now…now time is past and you realize you do love your wife. She’s actually pretty great and hey, we’re are all flawed aren’t we? She is working on herself which you’ve always wanted and trying hard. So are you…..BUT here you are loving two and not knowing how that is suppose to end….in your heart at least. Honestly I think all you can do is wait and hope that time makes it all make more sense. To me that’s your best case scenario.

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  2. Loving someone as family/a partner and being in love with someone’s soul are two different things. I think too often we begin with the latter, and end with the former. Love is mutable; it changes. I think a reason as many as 86% of relationships experience cheating is because we endlessly seek romantic love, that feeling of souls connecting, because our current relationships have dimmed down to the love of comfort and routine. Is there a solution? I’m not sure. But that’s what I think happens with a lot of people.

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