Alcohol and Openness

While we were walking back from having margaritas my wife said “I wonder if I would have drank more in college if we would’ve had these conversations sooner.”

Let me give you a little context. My wife is the goody-two-shoes you’ve always imagined. She did not drink one bit of alcohol before her 21st birthday. She wanted to wait until marriage for sex (and probably would have if not for a multi-year engagement). She was a perfect A student. Sweet as sweet can be. No drugs, no tattoos, no cursing. She was a parent and a pastors dream. 

We met at one of the top 10 party schools in the nation. Personally, I took full advantage. My wife, however, did not. She did exceedingly well academically, but missed out on much of the socializing and all of the alcohol fueled parties. Not that I’m saying she did anything wrong. It was her choice, but she was looking back now and wondering if she missed something that actually would’ve been helped her future beyond just studying. She also missed out forming good friends during that period. There was a lot of bonding taking place outside of study hall. 

She continued, “We’ve been able to have these much more open conversations, and I’m not as anxious about them after a drink or two. I was just thinking that we might have been able to talk about sex more freely earlier in our relationship if I didn’t have such a hangup over drinking – and sex.” 

I mentioned “Well I’m sure it would’ve come up sooner. Alcohol has been known to lead to sex, especially at college.”

She replied “Yeah, I missed out on all that. All the socializing. The bar scene. Not joining a sorority because my sister convinced me not to. I think I missed out on a lot that would’ve helped us talk earlier. Possibly address these issues earlier.”

She’s not wrong. I have mentioned before in this blog how naive she is about life at times. She very much isolated herself during college. Most of the kids were out having fun on the weekends, including me, but my wife would study and not touch a drop of alcohol. She remained very uptight which inhibited us from opening up about topics that were happening all around us each weekend. 

Even when she did drink after turning 21 she was very controlled about it. There was no letting go. She would constantly say something like “It’s been two hours I can have a third drink now.” Really? It’s not a science experiment. Just stop and enjoy yourself. She can’t. She’s never been what I would call drunk. Buzzed is as close as she’s been. Even after one drink over an hour ago she’ll claim she can’t drive. I just roll my eyes. 

Could she be right about her hypothesis? Probably. Honestly, if she would’ve let her hair down and enjoyed a party or two she might have even enjoyed sex periodically. At least we would’ve had the mental lubricant for her to talk about it. 


3 thoughts on “Alcohol and Openness

  1. It is possible.

    Your wife indeed sounds like a parents’ dream.

    She was conditioned to be a good child, a teenager with good values, and that is perfectly okay. Would things be different if she had been a bit more experimental in those days. There is a good chance that she would be a different now.

    However, past is past, and she cannot stamp out her upbringing and her personality from those days. Referencing those days would only stir memories.

    Do you think that your wife can change? Even if she agrees to things only to please you, I think sooner or later that demeanour would break, because that is not what she is.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You two really are incompatible. The fact that you let her question her decisions in college reveals your true heart. You married her because she was good. You haven’t changed. You changed yourself temporarily to win her heart. You should like and treasure her goodness and naïve nature, that’s who she is. If you wanted a sex fiend you should have married one of the party girls you encountered during your college party days.

    Liked by 3 people

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