A Party and Future Musings

This weekend we were at a party and there was a little boy there who looked strikingly like Meredith’s daughter. Yes I know that sounds strange, but the boy had long hair and I have not seen her daughter in a long time so I imagine she has changed a little. The resemblance was so similar I froze up for a bit, and had to look all around to make sure that Meredith and H were not somehow at this party. It wouldn’t have been out of the possibilities either. We share some mutual friends within this group and she used to live about four blocks away.  

Thankfully it was not Meredith’s daughter. My heart returned to its normal pace. I have no idea what I would’ve done. Avoidance at all costs. I guess it kind of depends on how H would’ve handled it. 

—–

Lately I’ve been thinking about what I would do if my wife and I did split up. More specifically in terms of Meredith. How would I handle that conversation? Or would there ever be one? This is still a somewhat unlikely scenario, but it’s something that keeps popping into my mind. 

I’m sure she blocked me via phone or email or social media. A quick text wouldn’t work. But I also wouldn’t want to put expectations on her. I think what I would want would be to let her know in a way that does not put any pressure on her. 

Perhaps I could wait by the coffe shop she frequents and “run into her” one day. Maybe with a hat and sunglasses on. Just a quick “Meredith do you have a minute?” I’m sure the question, and the voice would stop her in her tracks. 

I’m fairly certain she would give me the time of day. But when she recovered would she stick around for me to say anything or simply walk away? Assuming she stays I would tell her: “Sorry to bother you. I know we promised not to contact each other anymore. However I have news you may want to hear. You don’t need to say anything or even talk to me ever again, but I want you to know that I’m separated from my wife. I promised I would tell you when things changed.”

At this point her head would be going a million miles an hour and in many directions. Possibly even anger at me. I would not want there to be a long drawn out conversation or catching up or anything like that. Simply to give her the news and be gone. With that said I would stand up and say “That’s all. I’ll leave you be now. I’m no longer blocking you on any accounts. Have a good day Meredith.” Then smile and walk away. 

I would then wait. If she ever contacts me that would be wonderful. If she does not then I guess it would be time for me to move on. I expect she would contact me once she processes things. Because she would have questions. I didn’t answer as to whether I wanted her in my life again or what I was going to do. When she does reach out then we would have time to consider things. Also to hear how she is doing. If things are working out for her then I need to move on myself. 

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17 thoughts on “A Party and Future Musings

  1. I’m positive that you DON”T want to hear this but this seems like a very selfish way of thinking considering she has asked you repeatedly to leave her be.
    You must know that even if she was making progress on her own marriage this news would inevitably throw a wrench into that, just saying.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Well it seems to me that if you are serious about trying to work things out with your wife and especially if you are serious about trying to be a dominant in the relationship than your efforts and attention are on the wrong scenarios.

        I’m sorry if you don’t like my opinion but I happen to agree with Moi. But I will add one thing to it, your wife has made every effort to try and please you, to try and join you and every post I have read so far has explained how she is not doing it right, but no where have I seen where you are guiding and teaching her.

        She is not your mistress and she will never be like her, but she seems to be willing to try to be your submissive – from what you have written every time she spells out her needs of you as a dominant you belittle and fault her for not getting it, or not being like the other.

        Seems to me your wife gets it just fine, she is spelling out what she *needs* from you but you are too concentrated on your *wants* to notice the real responsibilities that come with being a dominant.

        I might be submissive to my husband but my dominant side could no longer hold it’s tongue. I do hope you understand what I’m saying …. It’s not meant to be hurtful but it is a truth.

        Liked by 4 people

      2. I second all of the above.
        Besides being delusional about a mythical future with a woman who no longer wants any part of you, you are bloody horrible to your wife. She won’t ever be the other woman, cut her some slack. How can she live up to that? You don’t want her, but you want her to be the one that cuts the cuts.
        Your selfishness is nauseating.

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      3. This post was simply a rambling of my mind. Not an actual event I’m hoping to achieve. It’s not delusional. More of a daydream. I frequently think about possible future scenarios and how they might go. I think we all do. I just wrote this one down.

        I’m sorry you feel I’m such a horrible person. You are free to stop following. There are many reasons that I do want my wife. Perhaps I don’t spend enough time here talking of all of it. You have to remember this is where I go to vent frustrations. The only place I have left.

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      4. I appreciate your feedback. Of course I do not share every interaction with my wife here. This is where I go to share what I cannot share elsewhere.

        We are working on things. It is slow. I’ve mentioned this before but my wife needs time to absorb all of this. This week has been focused on finding a marriage counselor. I am working on that too. Being a dominant within the relationship with my wife is a touchy subject with her. I don’t believe she has made every effort, as you said, but I can see where you feel that way. I have been working to guide and teach her but you cannot guide someone who is not there. You cannot teach someone who refuses to do the work required to learn. Does that mean I have done everything perfectly? Not even close. I am making lots of mistakes as well. It took her a month and a half to simply read one article about BDSM I asked her to read. She tells me she is in this but then does not do the work. Even the minimal I have asked.

        Believe it or not she is not willing to be my submissive. She does not even know what it really means. That is another thing we are working on. It’s slow. I’m having to introduce her to some very basic terminology and concepts. She does not like learning about this from me which is a cause of great stress between us. It makes her feel like a failure that she hasn’t known all these years rather than just moving forward.

        I have no idea what wants you think she has spelled out to me. Her wants are to not be a submissive.

        You know what. I’ll stop here. I have no idea what I said that prompted this. I’m sorry you feel I’m not doing this correctly. I don’t even know what correctly is. I am trying very hard and this is where I come to discuss the trials and tribulations of my life. Honestly I’m more confused by what you said than hurt.

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      5. Well as you mention I can not know what it is you do not share, my comment is based on things you have said in passing when talking about your wife. This format does of course leave much to interpretation so that does tend to make it more difficult.

        Number one if she doesn’t want to be submissive you should not be forcing it – and terms are usually more of a pain than a help when going from vanilla to kink in a committed relationship. Who cares what it’s called if it works for you, do it, if it doesn’t don’t!

        I will mention just one thing at a time in hopes of not causing more confusion, I noticed right from the beginning and you touched on it again here, as to needs, not wants, needs … You mentioned she won’t read anything you ask in a timely manner if at all – but she did tell you to give her a time/date to be done by. You were upset, you felt she should just do it on her own …. fair enough, and very vanilla in thinking.

        She told you she needs a date from you, so give her one. (Perhaps you have tried, I haven’t read about that yet.) Tell her also what type of feed back you want from her for your discussion, that seems to be that way she works. If you want AND she is willing you can even add a repercussion for non compliance.

        What ever you do please don’t be one who uses sex as punishment, the way your wife feels towards sex already you’d likely blow any chance you have of making this work! In my opinion sex should never be used as punishment …

        Some submissives need times/dates/expectations spelled out exactly, so start there. ALL OF COURSE ASSUMING SHE HAS CONSENTED.

        She might only be interested in bedroom submission for now, many couples I have spoken with started there first anyway, as did we. That might also be where she wants to keep it – if at all, you need to respect that and either live with it or move on.

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      6. I’m not forcing it. I explained to her what I’m looking for and she opted to try it. But I don’t think she comprehends what it means.

        The date issue. This has nothing to do with submissiveness. She puts internal things (think anything with the family) second to external things (friends and work). Regardless of dates. If I push the date issue now it will cause more harm than good. Even if she is asking for it. She will not meet the date and there will be no repercussions because we have nothing setup for that. There would be no learning. I need her to show her heart is in this more than just words. This isn’t a business transaction.

        I don’t use sex as a punishment. Not even considered.

        She is only interested in bedroom but limited there as well. Honestly I don’t think she really wants any of it which is why we need to focus less on dates and other things and more on communication. We cannot talk about things and we cannot use language we both understand. That is where we have to start.

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      7. Well most D/s contracts I have seen read very much like a business transaction – and it helps to start and expedite communication as well, but if you can’t talk to each other than you have a whole different issue ….

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  2. Why are you doing this to your wife? You are shaming her into being something she is not. You want to leave. You want a different lifestyle. Your wife deserves your full devotion or freedom. You are subtle in your putdowns of her strong personality but I think it is admirable. Becoming a doctor is a hard thing.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Your yearning for Meredith and your dissatisfaction with your wife permeates all your posts. Your wife is who she is. Her sexual behaviors might change to keep you home but at what costs? She has to face each day knowing you find her lacking. Somehow the idea of treating your marriage, your commitments, with dignity is missing. If you are miserable then so is she. I think it is unfair to both of you. I don’t know if there is an answer to this.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Being a dominant is a gift of responsibility. It is based on a trust in who and what a person is, the knowledge of their integrity, compassion and wisdom.

    I rarely stop by but I thought that I would give you that thought to ruminate on as you ponder what you wrote.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi! I came across your blog recently (I think we share mutual blog friends!). Expect many comments and ⭐️ as I read from past to present in order to catch up! 😃

    😘Vegas

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think the time for you to move on has already come and gone. How you move on is your decision but there is always the possibility of finding another mistress. There are a lot of submissive women in the world!

    Please don’t ‘bump into her.’ That toes the line of stalking. I say this as someone who has toed the line a few too many times herself…

    Liked by 1 person

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