Esther Perrell Car Ride

Very good weekend in the marriage discussion department. We had a long drive there and back and we listened to Esther Perrell on Audible. Her new podcast is great! Every episode has something we could take from our marriage. My wife would pause it many times to discuss. 

There were several realizations made along the drive. The second episode especially. She identified well with the caretaker wife. How she does not take care of or leave anytime for herself. We talked about it and she acknowledged all the ways over the years I have encouraged her to do things for herself so that she could be more present with me. 

There was one about role playing which showed the power of confidence. Another where there was a woman who craved really kinky sex but couldn’t talk to her husband about it. That one hit home. She kept saying “are you sure you can handle me?” Which is what I’ve essentially asked my wife on many occasions. The husband in this episode admitted he had not received her fantasies well in the past. I’m sure my wife saw her own reflection in his response. 

We talked about how I have asked her to do things for me in the past. Like read an article or something. And she doesn’t get to it. I let her know how that makes me feel. That for everything I send her I probably read a dozen. The fact that she does no research into our sex life and can’t take the time to read what I send her tells me she is not interested. 

Communication. She never talks about hard things because her family doesn’t. I have always wanted to have deeper conversations but she ends them. She sees it now. 

I’m forgetting many of the revelations which I apologize for. It was very eye opening to her, and she was very thankful. I may have said before, but my wife lives in a bit of a bubble. She is very naive about sex and life. I think she is starting to see how her bubble is destroying her marriage. Honestly, and I’m not just saying this, but nearly everything, every revelation, was for my wife. How much she has either not understood or avoided confronting. It was amazing to watch and talk about. 

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6 thoughts on “Esther Perrell Car Ride

    1. Thank you! I’m trying. This is really hard. You know what was really tough? Almost all the podcasts had infidelity in the marriage. Yikes! I do feel like my wife and I are finally talking about real underlying issues now. Many of them are her own hangups on sex and on communication of intimate and difficult things. I don’t think she would have admitted as such before, but she is starting to get it.

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      1. Hard listening through the mentions of infidelity? I guess I would find that a little tough but my views on adultery have completely changed in the last 12 months.

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      2. Well, I don’t think I would be so quick to react and would seek to understand in a more curious & compassionate manner. I’m finding great personal inner peace by choosing to act with loving-kindness and not entertaining the ego and negative emotions. I am open to non-monogamous relationships and whilst I appreciate that open relationships, by whatever definition, come with their own challenges I am more open to adopting the view of having joy for my partner to experience things that perhaps I cannot do. I want my spouse to experience what brings them true ecstasy and joy – whatever that may be for them, if that includes extramarital sex then I am open to discussing it.

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      3. Being the factual, deep-thinking, INFJ type that I am (not that this dictates all of my being) I should add that my evolved views have come about through reading various articles, blogs and books. Some of these include talks/books by Alain De Botton (highly recommend him), Elephant Journal articles and reading about buddhist principles. Buddhist teachings as they relate to letting go of suffering and finding inner peace (and therefore outward happiness and joy) by starting with loving yourself, so in turn you can view everything through the eyes of love. Anyway I am still new to these views and learnings

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