Day after the Sex Talk

Well the day after our talk we had sex for the first time in this new world. It was different. We have a long way to go yet. Was she submissive? Yes. In fact she got all dressed up for the occasion. Quite sexy actually. She did everything I asked, but I was careful not to ask for too much. She had at least four orgasms. That was really good for her. 

What I liked: she was submissive. She followed my lead. She did not resist anything. She was clearly trying. She was relaxed enough to orgasms multiple times. 

What I did not like: there was no mental connection. She does not play “the game” but was merely following orders. It was impossible to tell what she was enjoying for her vs for me. We did not push any limits. It felt staged and not a fluid part of our life. I did not feel desired during or after for what we did. 

This all sounds so wishy washy. With Meredith we would walk in a room, and there was a sexual energy. A sense of what was about to happen, and we both wanted it. Craved it. It was intense. I can feel my body tingle now just thinking about it. Watching my breathing change, hers as well. The look in her eyes. The way her body melted at my touch. I’m not feeling that with my wife. Not any of it. She isn’t a naturally submissive woman. Definitely not masochistic.

I’m also having trouble with ideas. Meredith caused my brain to go in a million directions with ideas on what I wanted to do with her. How to push her and challenge her yet move cautiously not to overwhelm her. With my wife I’m sitting here pondering and not sure where to go. Not sure what to do with her or for her. Meredith was always pushing me to do more. My wife struggles to handle the basics. 

Honestly we only had one conversation and it was timid at best around moving forward. There was no excitement from my wife on moving this direction. With Meredith there was excitement in all of it. Meredith is a true to the core submissive who would excite me with her desires and I longed to fulfill them. For my wife she has no desires other than to satisfy me. It is a bit empty. I want to be her dominant. I want to help her adjust to this new submissive role, but it is limited and not who she is. What am I fulfilling for her? BDSM is not about just pleasing the dominant. Most of it is about pleasing the submissive. I now have a willing submissive, but no direction on what would please her. 

I find myself comparing her to Meredith which I know I should not do. Yet I can’t help it. I start to question myself on why it was so easy with her and not with my wife. My wife has given the go ahead to move forward with what I want, but I still find it quite challenging. The energy is not there. The desire. 

I will come up with something. I must stage something to keep us trying. Keep moving forward. I must give this a solid chance to succeed. I will think of things that will gently push her out of her comfort zone. Also I will start talking to her about things a little farther out of her comfort zone. Give her brain time to absorb them. There will be time devoted to education as well. Not just from me but also from other women through YouTube, certain porn, or some blogs I enjoy. I’m thinking that making some of this more normal so she would know what to expect would be helpful. It’s possible she just doesn’t know how to act as a submissive. Her only real venture into this world is with 50 Shades and she told me directly the dominating aspects didn’t interest her as much as the love story. We will need to work on changing that. 

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5 thoughts on “Day after the Sex Talk

  1. You are battling two things. First, your wife is new to these ideas and needs some time. Secondly, you were in the honeymoon stage with Meredith. If you and she married at some point all of that would become routine. It might be more enjoyable for you sexually but the rest of your life would be as mundane and is it is with your wife. There is no such thing as euphoria that lasts forever. The human brain is not designed that way. You need to give your wife time to connect with you emotionally. Right now she is just trying to play a role because she loves you and wants to please you. If she can let those walls down and get involved in things emotionally it will be because you have had the patience to help her.
    There is nothing more exciting than a sneaky romance. If you get online and start reading blogs from the men and women who are cheating on their spouses you will read angst and euphoria. The problem is that is not real life. The only way you’ll ever get your dreams is to go so completely outside of your marriage and I do not know if you could sustain it.
    What bothers me so much about blogs like yours is that there are three human beings depending on you. We don’t usually get everything we want in this life. If you live in the US then you know our constitution only guarantees the right to pursue happiness it does not guarantee it. What you need to do is try to pursue, not just happiness with your wife, but contentment. We all get on each other’s nerves. There is not a person on this planet that you could live with daily and not find things to get irritated about. That fog that all of you cheaters live in is not real. Probably the closest you could come to the intensity you feel is to go to war. Men who come back from battlefields say they are wired for excitement and have to re-integrate into society. You and Meredith completely cut off any chance of your marriages being happy as long as you were focused on each other. This is not to say your wife has not contributed to a lot of what is wrong but she is obviously a very good woman and to get so far away from her that you were willing to have sex with another person means your sense of your wife is that she is less. Less everything.
    I suggest for those of you who cheat to read ChumpLady blog. You will see the damage that has been done because people decide that they are entitled to whatever they want regardless of who they hurt. It is pretty eye opening.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmm. I admit I was hopeful for you after your last blog. This must feel like a set back. You finally get her to loosen her grip on the reins … and it’s still not there. My fingers are crossed that you get there. I wish I had some advice. I will encourage you to trust yourself. You’ll figure his out. You’re too smart not to. And hopefully when you discover the sweet spot, it will have been worth these awkward baby steps.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Intimacy requires vulnerability and trust. No matter the sexual scenarios, there will always be something missing, because even now you don’t feel safe disclosing your affair without her rejecting you. Best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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