Journal: Saturday at the In Laws

Meredith reflects on what a new life would cost. 

—–

H’s parents took my daughter to the park this morning.

Grandpa mentioned the park before breakfast which meant that she was fixated on it all through breakfast and didn’t eat much.

They left H and I here alone which was nice. I did the 7 min workout and yoga while H showered. The dog was my workout partner, despite my protests. I think all the jumping in my workout freaked her out because she wouldn’t stay away. She kept jumping over the gate and coming upstairs so I finally just let her lay next to me. She is pretty cute though.

I’m feeling a bit melancholy this morning. I love H’s family and I’m realizing that in order to get what I want I would have to sever ties with them. That’s pretty hard to face. They are sweet to me, especially his dad. I don’t know what to do with that. It makes me really sad to think about. Plus they’ve known me for so long. I guess I need to weigh the costs.

I’m going to hop in the shower. It’s hot and the 7 minute workout got me all sweaty.

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6 thoughts on “Journal: Saturday at the In Laws

  1. Definitely one of the things that keeps me trying with hubs is the relationships he’s brought into my life that I would likely loose. I absolutely adore his family and couldn’t imagine life without them.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Please understand that I am not trying to be rude, I promise this is a genuine question. I am confused as to why you followed my blog. I was severely traumatized by the infidelity of my partner, but you are currently in the position of putting your spouse in the same position as I have found myself. I know that all people are different and I am (trying) not judging your situation. (as I am currently scorned and it is so hard to not judge) I sincerely am interested in why you chose my blog. Please do not take this as any more than these exact words and definitely not as an attack on you in any way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I received your reply. I am extremely interested in maintaining anonymity, so I cannot reply in email. Your blog and your message don’t seem to reconcile each other. You write mostly about Meredith and not as much about your wife. You and your wife need to both focus on each other and you need to choose to be present in all interactions with your wife while not thinking about Meredith.

      In a covenant, you do for the other because of who you are, not because of what they do for you. You are not in an “if/then” relationship with your wife. It’s not, if you take care of me, I will take care of you. It’s I will take care of you no matter what. Period.

      Communication is so important and getting to re-know your wife is vital. As much as she needs to get to re-know you. Talking becomes easier when you are both aiming towards the same thing. Say nice things to her without wanting to hear nice things back. Do something spontaneous for her just because you want to make her happy.

      And talk. Tell her about your day, about your stresses, about your dreams and goals. Set new goals and dreams with her. Start writing your blog about things you admire about your wife.

      Look up John Gottman and his love maps.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Ok fair enough. Anonymity is important. I think my blog matches perfectly. I am in a very difficult situation. The world is not black and white. I would love to just turn off all the feelings that draw me away from my wife but I can’t. I can’t even identify most of them. Hence the blog and counseling. I’m trying to learn from all this but I can’t learn by pretending it didn’t happen. And there is NO ONE ELSE to talk to. You can’t go around talking with everyone about how much your affair has affected you personally and emotionally. It’s very private. Very very private. So yes I do write mostly about Meredith. This is my only avenue to talk about her. I’m sorry if that bothers you. This isn’t easy but I’m being honest with sharing what I’m feeling.

        Yes my wife needs my focus. I know this. I’m giving it to her. I’m reading books on marriage; going to counseling; giving her a great Mother’s Day; and taking care of her like I always do. But I also have other things going on emotionally for me as all who’ve been deep in an emotional affair have. I still think about Meredith and I’m not going to pretend I don’t. She opened up a side of me I didn’t know was there. If I never see her again I will at least be thankful for how she opened my eyes to help me understand myself.

        I don’t think I’m in an if then relationship. I always always always take care of my wife. That has been me from the beginning. But I need her to reciprocate now. I need her to stop treating me badly. I need her to care about me and SHOW it like I do with her. I am working with her on that. I am telling her what I’m feeling. She gets to hear the ugly news that she upset me even when she didn’t know. She gets to hear when she misjudged me. These were all things I let slide before. Now she can know so we can grow together. I say nice things to her and about her constantly. Do you know one thing Meredith said to me that SHOCKED ME? She said her husband rarely to never told her she was beautiful. I couldn’t fathom. I tell my wife everyday. And not just a fake beautiful but specific. I tell my wife my dreams all the time. She hates talking about the future like that. She has never supported my dreams behind saying “that’s nice.”

        I need a place to be me. To just let my thoughts run. That is this blog.

        But I still follow people who’ve been cheated on because it helps me build empathy. It helps me understand the pain better.

        Liked by 1 person

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