Counseling – Day One

I went to my first session. Interesting. Most of the time was going over history. I always find that a little nutty even though I know it’s important. My childhood consisted of, let’s say, 5840 days with many dozens of different characters. Anything I choose to remember in a brief 25 minute update is going to be quite selective on my part. Consciously or not. 

Anyway, we did the history up until today including the affair with Meredith. It was interesting. I always find it fun to see how I frame the stories. I’m such a storyteller naturally that when I’m in a professional setting it’s hard to know how to say things. I get really serious and heavy. 

Then we talked a bit about sexual differences and differences in general. There is compatibility, attraction and availability I believe he said. We are sorely lacking on availability, and we need to uncover how big that is. But sexual incompatibility is, in my opinion, the big problem. 

With compatibility there are ways to fix it. You can compromise. And I can’t remember the other two. Should have written things down! But one was where you just won’t come to an agreement. Like an acceptance or something. You go your way, I’ll go mine and we’ll meet up later. Hard to imagine that working for sex. “Hey wife, you go do your thing not having sex. I’ll go do my thing having really kinky sex with a really kinky woman. Then we’ll come back together and snuggle and drink hot cocoa.” Somehow I think that might fall under irreconcilable differences. 

Ok we didn’t talk too much more about sex other than to note that it is a factor. We did talk about my anxiety and hair pulling. During my wife’s residency I was a wreck of anxiety. Always twitterpated. Now I don’t feel that same level of anxiety because I learned about who I really am. But my depression has increased, and my OCD from stress isn’t going well. 

I need some stress outlets. Can you imagine that? I think I’ve had a hundred people who read my blog say that already. Apparently I could save a bunch of money and just listen to these brilliant blog readers ;). I WILL work on that. In fact I stretched and ran some last night. 

Getting married young was another theme. I started dating my wife when we were 19. For many people we are still not sure who we are at that age. I gave an amen to that! I’m very slow at learning who I am as a person. I’m still figuring some of the basics out. Oh, and remember my post about sex education? Yeah we talked about that too! The fact that there is no knowledge of all the kinds of sex and desires out there. These are all things I had to learn many years later. He said it’s good to re-evaluate after awhile and make sure that your life is still working. He even mentioned the concept of a marriage license having an expiration date where you must renew. I thought that was pretty good. 

He also gave me some homework. First is to picture what my ideal life is. Since I seem to be unhappy in this one, that will be a fun mental trick. Second is to watch for when I feel that I can’t speak up with my wife. I’ll take note of it to talk about. Communication came up over and over and over. I can’t communicate with her and it is killing our relationship. 

Even if our relationship ends we need to communicate better! So that is where it ended. I’m hoping that day one set the foundation, and we can start to progress more rapidly with future sessions. 

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5 thoughts on “Counseling – Day One

  1. This is great! I’m glad you finally went and spoke to someone, but do remember – you need to crawl before you walk, and walk before you run …..

    How many years did it take you to get here? My instincts are telling me to mention that you don’t set the pace for your progression and maybe it seems slow to you at first, but it all generally comes together very quickly in the end!

    You seem to be pretty handy so I’ll say it this way ….. You are currently looking at and checking all the wiring, one day you will just need to flick the switch and it will all ‘light up’, and you will see the whole picture. But you can’t rush the wiring …. not safely anyway. šŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well put! Like an INTJ interpretation. I will fully keep that in mind. I enjoy watching the process so I will sit back and let it work. I love those light switch moments. When all your hard work and mental energy comes to fruition.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great. Let me know what you learn about how to communicate the hard stuff… Lord knows I could use pointers! I like that your work wasnt all focused on Meredith, but on how to settle you into who you really are. I’ve always said marriages should be of finite duration as we change so much over the years. Your blog tone seemed encouraged. Hopeful, even. My fingers are crossed for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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