I may have mentioned to a few in comments that I was going to give it until Friday before completely shutting everything down. I just had this feeling that she might call back after a day or two. Well I was right. She did call me back yesterday.
Meredith said that she could sense that something was off with me, and she didn’t like how our last call ended. I agreed. She also said she could tell I was angry. I agreed. Then she asked why. I told her that after all we had been through to just end it off hand on a quick phone call while we were both distracted and unprepared didn’t fit with everything else. She was my best friend and knew me better than anyone. She knows that I need more. I need a final closure where we can really talk about things one on one.
She apologized for how the previous call went. At first she couldn’t really see the value in another call, and I think she was a little scared of backtracking on her progress with her husband. As we kept talking (we were on the phone for 50 minutes) more and more stuff kept coming up. I told her “this is what we need to talk about more in depth in a real meeting.” Eventually she agreed, and saw the value. In fact she finally saw how much she wanted to tell me. But she could not meet in person. That was too far for her. We agreed to a FaceTime meeting next week. I will be late for work on Wednesday.
I’m very happy with this turn of events, and she is too. She even commented that she could feel my mood shift after she agreed. She just didn’t realize at first how important it was to me. Now that she knows, she will of course meet with me. She never intended to be mean to me. Only to move on. God, I love this woman.
One of the things Meredith brought up was Glennon from the Momastery blog. She loves Glennon. I find her a bit hard to read, but that’s ok. Glennon is not writing to me, she’s writing to all the Meredith’s. Anyway, she said Glennon dealt with affairs in her own marriage, but stuck it out. She wrote books about how she stuck it out, and how wonderful her marriage turned out. Then years later when things were good with her husband she still decided the marriage didn’t work for her and left anyway. She found another partner who was a professional women’s soccer player. Glennon ended things with her husband on good terms, and started living with this new person. Her now ex-husband coparents with her, and they are still good friends. I’m probably summarizing this way too much. You can go read her blog yourself for details.
Anyway, Meredith explained to me that she wants that. She still is having a hard time seeing her future with her husband, but she wants to put her all into their marriage. Either it will start to work for her or she can at least leave on good terms with the knowledge that she was fully invested. Part of that being letting me go completely.
It’s interesting that she makes a point to bring this up as well as letting me know that they are not buying a house this year or working on getting pregnant. Both are things they would have done otherwise. She apparently told him it was too much. They needed to work on their marriage before she would even consider those two items. On the other side, she also knows that, to me, both of those things mean she has moved on.
Another thing to note. Meredith has a counselor, but she and her husband have started to see a sex therapist together. This was news to me. They have similar problems in the bedroom as my wife and me. Her husband can’t do BDSM and she can’t live without it. Anyway, she said regardless of all that she is learning of some problems she has that she will be working on. She feels good about it, and will hopefully help her enjoy intimacy more. She said they were things that no matter who she is with she will need to work on. I’m glad to hear she is taking care of herself.
To sum it up, she isn’t going to leave me hanging and angry. She is just too nice of a person for that. I’m glad we will get to close things down in a manner I can be happy with. In a way that respects the level of relationship we had.