Tim McGraw has a song about what you would do if you knew you were dying. Bucket lists and what not. It’s a nice song. After my near miss over the weekend it made me think of that song and ask the question: what would I do if I knew I had just this one day to live?
In McGraw’s version he went on adventures, took time to do “unimportant” things like fishing, and became a better person. How do you become a better person? Forgive people, love people and read the good book.
Those are all wonderful and marvelous things and work well if you have a couple months. If you have just this one day then you are more limited. What is important to me? Well number one is my children. If the only thing I was able to do was to spend the entire day with them and for them then that would be enough. They are only awake for half the day or so which leaves a lot of time for other things.
Beyond my children I would want to look at my other relationships, and make sure loose ends were tied up. I would take time to make sure my mother and sister both know how much I care for them and how proud I am of them. With my father I would like to spend a couple hours in the shop building something – probably for my kids – and talking about life. A nice way to say goodbye.
Also, thinking about the children, I would take some time to make sure things were set financially for them. Accounts were known and everything all set with insurance. While they were asleep I would want to write them a letter for when they are older. So they can know their dad. Or possibly a quick video.
Moving on, when I think about my own bucket list it is predominantly sexual in nature. I know McGraw sang about bull riding and skydiving, but those type of adventures don’t really drive me. What I would want is a couple hours with Meredith to really have some fun in ways only we can. I would want to finish my time with her relaxing and talking about big ideas. Talk about all the things that helped us connect in the first place.
Lastly my wife. I think I would want to spend most of my time with her while with the children. Outside of time with the children we do not have a lot of things we enjoy together that I would want to do with her. We are really good working together as parents and I think that would be a wonderful way to spend time with her. There would be no intimate connection with my wife. We just do not connect that way. Not for me anyway.
There are a myriad of other friends and relatives to consider but with such a short timeframe I don’t think there would be time. They could remember other days.
To summarize kids kids kids and wife; talk to my mom and sister; work with dad and philosophize; have amazing sex with Meredith and philosophize; finish with the kids and call it a day. Maybe squeeze in a little more sex?
What does that tell me about priorities? First thing I see is that nothing trumps my kids. Second thing I see is that Meredith is still really important to me. Enough that I would hope for intimate time with her and not my wife. Maybe more than one romp if possible. Third, it’s not just the sex. I really enjoy talking with her in ways I can’t with my wife and I would want to explore parts of the day and my life with her.
This is all very complicated. Honestly, I’m not sure what it all means. But that’s ok. I don’t need answers today. I’m going to work with a therapist to figure this out. However I did enjoy this excercise and it confirmed for me that Meredith is important. Even on my last day.