Wife goes to counseling

Today was her first day ever with a counselor. I’m so glad for her. No matter what happens this will help her to get through things in a healthier way. Whether it be hard conversations with me or us separating someday.

February 2016 (is that considered last February yet?) we had our first hard conversation and it didn’t end well. That was when I recommended she see a counselor. 11 months later she finally did. But one of the things I told her at that point was that I really wanted us to be able to discuss sex, and things that were important to me. I even said “I’d rather that we discuss rather than I just go out and cheat. I don’t want to cheat.”

This was before Meredith and I had sex, but we definitely had an emotional affair in progress. I think I was hoping talking to Wife would help keep the affair at bay. It didn’t work.

Anyway, Wife remembered that comment when she talked with her counselor about us. The counselor asked how invested I was in finding a solution, and Wife told her that quote. It’s funny because I still feel that way even though I did cheat. Maybe it’s because I’m not still cheating.

The counselor said to give me kudos for being so great. Yeah. I’m fucking great. Feels like a knife in the chest. I just need to put the affair behind me, and move this process forward in a healthy way. This is what we should have done years ago.

Do you want to know the hardest part? I may have mentioned this before. Wife sees me as her absolute rock. She has no else in her life that she can really confide in. She just doesn’t invest in relationships deeply. I do and have supported her emotionally for years and years. I’ve been there for all her good times and bad times since just before she turned 19. That’s a long time. She leans on me for everything. When I told her I was struggling with aspects of our relationship it was like an earthquake for her.

She told all this to the counselor in her own words, and said that was the one time she started crying. Thinking of losing her rock.

The start of a long process. We shall see how it goes. 

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11 thoughts on “Wife goes to counseling

    1. I hope it is a step in the right direction as well. It’s like we just opened the box and we don’t know what’s in it. Maybe we will like it and maybe we won’t.

      Honestly I have very little hope that anything sexually will improve. I think the best I can hope for is an understanding. It just isn’t in her to want what I need. And that is ok! It does not make her a bad person. I’m hopeful this new path of ours will allow us to have hard discussions and she will still be able to see how wonderful she is even if she can’t be everything for me.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh yeah that’s true of anyone she confides in. I just need her to confide in someone! The fact that it’s a well respected professional that has tools and techniques to help is also nice. Rather than say, her sister. I want Wife to have a cheerleader in her camp. I really do.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. From my own personal experience and you having read the last post–counseling will only help as much as people allow it to based on how much each individual is willing to share. Here I am still dealing with the same issue I have addressed in counseling with the husband in three separate time periods and everything is still the same as it used to be. Contrary to your wife, I have plenty of people in my corner and I’d say he’s more on her boat, his family is in a different state, he cut off any male friends he used to have years ago and it’s ok being a homebody which sometimes I hate. Counseling only works when people use it as a tool for change and to better themselves

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah yes, but that is if you expect counseling to change the nature of a relationship. I hold very little hope in that actually. What I am most relying on it for is to help with the communication and processing of feeling that will come from discussions about our relationship. I believe WE need to address our relationship and the counselors are like those people in the boxing ring who put Vaseline on your cuts and give you water.

      Of course I could be looking at this all wrong :). Who knows. I kind of got the feeling reading your blog that your husband was more like Wife. Mistress’ husband is as well. In fact they are so similar it’s scary sometimes. Mistress and I would fantasize about if they fell in love and got married. Wouldn’t that be great? Kind of weird, but good for the kids.

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      1. well and i contrary to you–had hoped that counseling would help change behaviors that would then change the relationship. I can tell you that I definitely dont think my husband and I have had that kind of boxing ring conversation about our relationship at all.
        Yes..you have 100% right…husband is totally like your wife and like CB’s wife…those two would make the perfect pair!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Have you considered having a real conversation with him about what’s not working for you? He may run counseling on his own after that!!

        Could you imagine you husband and CB’s wife together? Wouldn’t that be surreal?

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      3. Sad thing is I have a number of times to include tonight. We each sat on our phones and I asked him if just sitting there only talking for 5 mins about work worked for him and his response was I don’t understand what the question means. I said don’t read into it–it’s just what I’m asking.
        I’m sitting down this weekend and making a detailed list of good and bad things.
        Oh I totally can! He wanted to go at least fck her when he found out I was “talking” to her husbanf

        Liked by 1 person

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