Meredith called me yesterday afternoon. It was a shock to me. She really wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas, and thought today would be the right day. Last year we had such a wonderful December. We spent nearly every weekend together. She was caught up in the memories. Last December we even made plans on how to do Christmas together this year. Those plans sort of fell through.
I was able to resist reaching out to Meredith since November 11. That’s quite a long time for us. However I’m not able to resist when she calls me. I just couldn’t let that pass. I miss her too much. We are now back in radio silence again until spring.
It was really great to hear her voice. She sounds like she is doing well. She dreams about me every night. She is struggling with her husband still. She said he is nice, and they are getting along well as friends lately. She said he had been his best self lately which has been nice. On the other hand his best self is still only a good friend to her and doesn’t understand her or what she needs. She also said that there were a couple of times when work was busy for him and he immediately went back to his old self. She sees some of those schedules on his work coming up again.
In fact that is one of the biggest problems. When life is fine and he isn’t stressed he has time to focus on her and life is tolerable – as long as they don’t try to have sex. However with his job that is more the exception than the rule. From this point forward he will drift to the mean of his personality more often than not which will leave Meredith wanting. I know this because my wife is in the same profession but a few years ahead of H. Meredith knows this too, but it puts her in a strange place when things are good. Not quite sure what to do.
She seems to be taking things slow with him. She is still spending time coaching him and having deeper conversations. I don’t know if it is kind to do such things or cruel. I mean what is she expecting to happen? If after all that work she still leaves him then I would think it kind of cruel. Either way she doesn’t want to make any rash decisions so she is going to take it slow. That’s not a bad idea.
Meredith and I talked for over an hour. Hardly even venturing to discuss sex. Our friendship has really taken over since we haven’t been able to see each other in so long. It was really great to talk to her. I feel good, and also a longing. I miss having her in my life.