I just want to share about today. A couple of things happened with Wife that really illustrate the differences between where we are romantically. I’ve explained before that Wife has a very low sex drive, and hardly any desires and no fantasies. She really just likes plain Jane in the bedroom after all chores are done with no build up sex. Nothing fancy. Follow the book.
Well I bucked up today a few times, and earned my Dad wings. She noticed and was extremely grateful. She looked at me at one point in the evening and said “I really should give you a blowjob right now. I feel like I should after all you’ve done today.” (For the record I hate this earning of sexual favors. It makes me a weak person who has to beg for favors. It really turns me off. Everything with Wife is a tit for tat system of points.) Of course I wasn’t going to object to a blowjob, but then, as usual, something came up for her that had to be done first. The “moment” can always wait for household chores.
After another hour or so I could sense she was getting ready to actually wind down for the night. I, um, got ready for her, and read a few sexy blogs while waiting. She walked over, and immediately saw what I was after. She smiled and then capitulated. It was a decent blowjob. I will give her credit for that. Not off the charts, but really good. However she never lets me finish unless we are in the shower. As it was we were in the living room.
It is really frustrating to get a blowjob right up to orgasm but not quite. Forced edging I suppose. It sucks. I’m not into that. Wife thinks it’s fine no matter how much I explain it sucks. She just can’t see how making me orgasm outside the bed or shower makes sense. She still put in the work on the blowjob so she’s done her part, and I should be grateful. Plus she knows I keep asking for blowjobs even though we both know it’s never going to finish there which means I must be ok with it.
Of course I’m going to keep asking! Why would I turn down a blowjob ever? It’s the thing I ask for on every holiday. I love blowjobs more than almost anything. I’m going to take the blowjob knowing I’m going to be frustrated at the end. Hoping that maybe this one time she’ll finally change (story of my entire married sex life). That doesn’t mean I’m fine with being frustrated. It doesn’t mean that I’m not distraught that my wife, the one romantic partner I’m supposed to have, doesn’t know how to take care of me sexually.
Anyway after she was essentially done I was revved up. I started kissing her all over her face, neck and shoulders. I was whispering in her ear, and asking her how much she wants to make me cum. Doesn’t she want me to finish on her hot naked body? Or something to that effect. There was a pause followed by “Oh yes” in a very sarcastic tone. She then said “I thought a sarcastic yes would be better than a no.” And laughed.
Actually they are the same thing. She doesn’t have any desires that match mine. Later that evening we were up getting ready for bed, and I’m still horny as all get out. I ask if we can finish that blowjob now. Because my balls are about to turn fucking blue. She laughs. The answer is no. What. The. Fuck. She reads out a short list of typical excuses, and then starts talking about Christmas plans.
Look I’m not saying she needs to do everything to satisfy me. In fact I don’t want that at all. I want her to want it too. It’s frustrating to be the only one pushing for it. It’s frustrating to be naturally dominant with sex, and be with someone who denies me constantly. I need more frequent sex, and I need more blowjobs. Right now Wife is the only one who is supposed to be pleasuring me sexually. I can’t just turn to someone else and say “hey can you give me a hand here?” But she doesn’t see it. And we have argued about this to the point of crying on many occasions. She chooses to forget and move on after a month or so has passed. Water under the bridge, but nothing changes. If I stop complaining then the problem resolved.
It’s more than just frequency though. It’s about the deeper desires and fantasies too. She doesn’t have them, and therefore does not understand my requests or needs. I mean I shouldn’t even have to ask her for a blowjob. I should be telling her when I need blowjobs, and she should be ready and willing. Because that is how a dominant should act. The blowjobs should include orgasms too. She may not realize it but she is essentially taking the dominant role, without any of the concepts. It’s not working for us. She does not understand me.
Seriously, blue balls. I used to think it was a made up thing. The past year or so I’ve learned it’s a real thing. Your balls start getting this constant ache. Usually on a day when I’m turned on way more than normal for a long period of time with no release. The things that are causing the pain you want more of, but the more you get the more you are in pain. They last for awhile after orgasm too. You have to be careful.
Back to Wife. I need to say something to her but I don’t know where to start. We are so far apart, and she is very sensitive. The conversation could go way off the rails. I’m nervous it will. Actually I know it will. Which highlights the communication problems we have which got us into this mess.