Most affairs don’t end up with the people having affairs getting married and living happily ever after. At least that is what all the non-verified stats people keep telling me. In that spirit I want to take a look at my relationship with Meredith in a harsher light. I’ve been thinking about this for some time. Where is it that I see possible problems? In no particular order.
- Her entire family is very liberal. I am not. Could be a point of contention. But Wife’s family is much the same way, and I’ve survived that for years.
- No matter how hard she tries, her kids will always come before mine. She loves my kids but in the long term they will not be the same as her kids.
- She often doesn’t tell me what she’s thinking, and I have to pull the truth out of her. Not that she lies to me she just doesn’t say what is really on her mind. I think this has gotten better as we have grown closer, but it’s not something I’m used to.
- She kind of cheated on me with Jenny. Maybe she doesn’t see it that way, but… I do. Would things like that happen if we were exclusive? Probably not. She told her husband.
- Her family is very religious. That can be intimidating to me. I have been slowly working that direction, but I have no background. They all do.
- She is very altruistic. To a fault. Sometimes it makes me love her more. Sometimes it makes me worried that I’m going to constantly crap on her passion or let her down. It has led to arguments in the past.
- In the past and now she has struggled with her weight. When stressed she gains weight. Honestly I’m not super vain but we both want to be attractive for each other. I know she can lose the weight when there is less stress, but I’m just not sure how big of a deal it will be for me. Hopefully not much.
- She can be very emotional. To a level I’ve never dealt with before. Many times I really find it endearing. But over time will it wear me down?
- She works for non profits which typically don’t make much money. Seeing as how we are both married to doctors this could be problem. We will both have to step up, and I will need to provide the larger and more stable income.
- She regularly deals with depression. Not something I’m used to. I will have to learn how to handle this. How much of this burden can I bear? Will I be able to support her appropriately?
- She might have other mental health problems she isn’t telling me. I don’t know of any, but I just get a feeling. However I’ve worked closely with her for 3 years and noticed none.
- She really really REALLY loves the city she grew up in which has no job opportunities for me. She lives there now. What will it be like if she is forced to move away or I’m forced to move there? One of us will likely be unhappy. And we need to think about schools for our kids.
- What if she gets bored with me? Most of our interactions have been wonderful, but we’ve never lived together. Honestly I’m excited about the prospect of living with someone who knows me so well and can read me easily. But what if the day to day isn’t good enough for us?
- She’s 8 years younger than me. I know it seems like the typical leave your wife for a younger model but it’s not like that. If you didn’t know you’d swear she was near my age. She acts much older than her years. I was not out searching for young blood. We just became close. But I do worry about this becoming an issue somewhere.
- She is a huge women’s rights advocate. To the point that discussing that topic will often lead to passion and tears. I’m not always on the same page with her, and we’ve argued about this in the past. It’s the one thing she gets very intense about.
- I really worry about the practicality of our living situation and our children. There are school districts and visitation issues to consider. As well as jobs, commutes and preferred communities.
There are probably dozens more, but these are the ones at the top of my head. As wonderful as it sounds to be with her I know there are things I’m concerned about. If we were dating we would be able to figure them out, but we are not and must go all or nothing. Meredith used to spend a lot of time thinking about our future. Researching school districts; looking at houses; mapping out distances from places our spouses were likely to be. She loves that planning. But we haven’t talked in several weeks now. It’s hard to consider all the things that could and would have to take place.