This week last year Meredith and I essentially became best friends. She was shocked at how fast it happened as she had friends from way back who she thought would always be #1 in her heart, but I replaced them very quickly. We were able to share everything with each other, and we were both so interested in the other. I’ve used the term soulmates in previous posts, and that is what we are.
It’s funny how two people form in a relationship. With Meredith and I we did really well through texts and messages, but that changed into phone calls and in person over time. Perhaps it’s the slight separation of messaging, but we were able to ask the questions we really wanted to know and dig deep into each other’s souls. And dig we did. Each new subject presented us with fresh energy and new questions as we learned more and more in a never tiring race to get to know each other.
We burned through a lot of text messages the first few weeks. It was so bad our spouses started to make comments about always being on our phones. But we just couldn’t stop. At the time we called it “speed friending” as we were making up for the 3 years the wall was up, but in reality it was a form of courtship.
Up to this point I still viewed her as a sweet precious young lady, even though she kept trying to tell me she isn’t so innocent. She exudes sweet innocence.
Somewhere along the way we got to the subject of sex. I believe the week after thanksgiving. She obviously had something to hide, but I didn’t understand. I kept asking questions to try to understand. What came out was that she had sex for the first time at 19 with a much older man (N). Late 20’s I think. She was with him for a few months and they had a lot of sex.
I was a little shocked at this point becuase she seemed so innocent I assumed she had only been with her husband (H), and probably treated sex the same way Wife did (i.e. not that important). My head spun a story about her being used by N. It made me angry and full of empathy for her. She kept trying to tell me it wasn’t like that. The conversation went on for more than a day. We met at lunch the next day and she finally explained. She initiated. She pushed him to have sex. He kept trying to say they should wait because she was so young.
Then she said there is more. She had been trying for a couple years to get laid. She had a long term boyfriend in high school who wouldn’t have sex with her. Blowjobs were allowed occasionally but nothing for her. The experience was very frustrating for Meredith. Not only did she have a high sex drive that was not being met, but then she was also dealing with the feeling of being rejected repeatedly. Was she not worth having sex with? What was wrong with her? Why did she have this need that no one seemed to acknowledge?
Then she went to college, and like many of us there was a brief wild phase. She met a few guys and some made it to blowjob phase, but she couldn’t seem to manage to get any of them to have sex with her. It was crushing. Until she finally met N.
Shortly after she dumped N, she met H. The relationship with H moved to sex rather quickly. Followed by frequently. She loved it, and she fell in love with him. Finally her insatiable sex drive was being met. She felt happy and validated. She was also only 19.
Learning all this about Meredith changed the way I see her. Finally, what she has been telling me about her lack of innocence was starting to make sense. A new picture emerged. She wasn’t the victim of predator males as I had imagined. In fact it was nearly the opposite. She was rejected for her desire for sex more often than not. Much like me. However, living in a world where men are always supposed to want sex this was an awful blow to a young lady.
It also made me realize this was the big difference between Meredith and Wife. Both are sweet, sensitive, caring, smart, good at reading and conversing with people, fun to be around, and very empathetic. However, Wife banks toward sex as just an act you must do because you are married (and only once you are married) whereas Meredith banks toward sex as a need that becomes a reason to find a relationship regardless of marriage status. Realizing all of this made me want to learn more and more about this enigma that is Meredith. Sweet on the outside, and a wild sexual animal on the inside.
Our conversations turned more and more toward sex in December. Still mostly just curious about who we both were. It was a little flirting; a little wanting to know about each other; and a little of the curiosity we all have about what happens in another’s bedroom. We shared a lot of dark secrets. Secrets we have NEVER TOLD ANYONE before. Even our spouses. I can’t tell you how good that felt, and how much trust we have in each other.
We also spent more time together as families. Meredith was going through some pretty severe depression at this time. Much of it caused by her failing marriage. Wife and I agreed we would be good friends, and Meredith could come stay with us when H had to work off-hours as he frequently did. She would bring her 2 year old and we would all hang out. It helped her avoid the loneliness of an empty house. It was nice. Really nice.
As December dragged on our conversations turned to what we would be like together physically. Yet at the same time we kept talking about ways to strengthen our marriages. Because strong marriages are important to both of us. It was a strange time in our relationship, but you could see the change coming.
Both Meredith and I like a particular kind of kinky sex in the BDSM arena. Neither of us have ever been able to experience it because our spouses are decidedly not into it. As we talked in more detail we would share fantasies with each other. Then we started sharing fantasies for each other. By the end of the month we were essentially sexting, but slightly reserved.
A strange thing happened at one point. She told H. You see he knows about her, and her wild sex drive. He knows of all her fantasies he can’t fulfill (to be fair he thinks he can because he’s an arrogant ass). She told him that she really wanted to play this “game” with me. A game where we would text about our fantasies, but nothing physical would happen. He said … Yes! He even went so far as to agree that I was essentially a fluffer since she would still be going back to him for sex.
We were both in near shock that he agreed. The next day was the 23rd, and she was off work so we gave it a go. I took a break from work, and in 18 minutes of texting we learned a lot about each other. We learned I can get her off purely via text (something we accomplished many times over the next few months). We learned that we both like a similar style of BDSM. We learned how easy it is to completely absorb ourselves within each other’s mind. It was an amazing experience.
Later that night we were going to try it again while H was down at the computer. The texts became very dirty. Then all of a sudden they stopped. It turns out the messages were popping up on the computer as well as her phone. H was reading them. This time he was not OK with what we were doing. That was hard to take. I felt like we had cleared everything with him, and now he’s getting upset anyway. It was a bad situation. I felt horrible and was worried I’d be losing my best friend.
We shut it all down after that. I felt horrible for what we did. All of a sudden it was a despicable act because it was behind his back when I thought we all had an agreement. The thing that caught him off guard though was the venturing into BDSM. It was completely natural for both of us, even though we didn’t plan it that way. What he saw freaked him out. Of course he was never meant to see it. Not that we were hiding anything, but watching the sausage being made is different than just enjoying well made sausage.
We talked very lightly for the time between Christmas and New Years. Everything on the up and up. I apologized to her husband. Back to just friends. Well kinda. At work we were still playing a light version of the game. But it was subdued.
However we had plans already made for NYE. Both of us had the day off because daycares were closed but our spouses did not. We had planned to hang out during the day as a playdate for the kids and then we would prepare party stuff for the evening. Spending NYE together as a families. Those plans were now in jeopardy because H was pretty upset.
Eventually he calmed down and agreed that we should keep our plans and he would trust his wife. I promised him nothing would happen. At this point I really, really wanted to become friends with him for two reasons: being friends with both spouses reduces the likelihood of cheating; if I want Meredith to remain a good friend for the long haul we need to be closer. Going into NYE I had all good intentions.
That is what happened too. I was really on the fence about going down at all. I mean it took some convincing from Meredith. I nearly called the whole thing off. We screwed up and lost H’s trust and that was that. But in the end I went down to her house.
I spent the whole day there, leaving just as H came home. We had a great day full of activities with the kids and with dinner prep. No touching. No games. All on the up and up.
Looking back at how things turned out I wish I had that day back. But I digress. By the start of 2016 our relationship had morphed into something rather interesting. We wanted to play sexual games, but still be happily married to our spouses and support each other in doing so. We wanted to be best friends, and spend nearly every waking moment together either in person or communication.