Today we spent at a birthday party for Wife’s sister’s kid. Spent much of the day around my in-laws. It’s a nice group. I really do like my sister in law. She’s always a bit of a mystery, but we get along well. She’s the only one business oriented for me to talk to.
Wife’s sister married later and jumped right to having kids. But she didn’t wait to have sex. She was having sex in college. Overall she’s a very straight laced person, but she knows how to have fun. That’s a real difference between Wife and her sister. Wife never really unwinds. Never breaks a rule. Never gets caught off guard, and wouldn’t really know how to let go.
There was a conversation between the two sisters many years ago, let’s see probably 8 years ago now, where they started talking about sex. My wife needed someone to confide in because she has a hard time enjoying sex, but she didn’t see it that way. She thought all women were like her, and I just needed to deal with the fact that women don’t really enjoy sex. So she talked to her sister, and her sister was not on the same page. She said she really enjoys sex. REALLY enjoys sex.
For some reason my wife relayed this to me. That made me really think about what I was missing. I thought at the time it was a watershed moment. This person who Wife trusts more than anyone, who grew up with her, has much of the same biological and nurturing makeup, was out there having lots of sex and really enjoying herself. At this point she was a couple years from marrying. That had to be a wake up call for Wife right?
Well it may have been but it didn’t change anything. She seemed a little confused by it for awhile, but we still have the same sex now as before. I don’t know why Wife feels the way she does about sex. It started with rules she had in her head long before she met me. I think it’s also part of her personality. I mean she’s never been drunk. She has had alcohol but never close to an excessive level. She’s never played a drinking game or really cut loose. She is always very much in control. Even when I try to have her lose herself in sex with me. She can’t do it. She doesn’t even know how or understand what I’m asking for.
Today I’m sitting in my sister in laws house thinking about that conversation 8 years ago. Thinking about lots of things related to it. I’m still in a marriage with a woman who doesn’t enjoy sex. I’m still in a marriage with a woman who will never be able to let go and enjoy the sex I want to enjoy. Even though Meredith is in my life this has been a problem for ages. My SIL is still hot as hell and happily married because her husband is getting great sex. (Yes I know there are hundreds of other reasons but he is getting that). Wife’s brother is dating a semi-crazy chick who I’m sure is very sexually adventurous. Except for the grandparents I’m like the only one not with a woman who has great sex.
I know for many this all sounds very petty. But when you’re in a marriage like this for many many years even these little things become big things. The conversation 8 years ago reminds me of how long I’ve been dealing with this in a way that Wife is at least aware.