A Focus on Marriage 

I spoke with Meredith today. It will be our last conversation for a while. A long while. It’s funny how sometimes two people come to the same conclusion at the same time for very different reasons. Both of us wanted a break. A long break. Long enough to look inside ourselves and our marriages to see what is there.

This time apart from Meredith will be really good for both of us. I think we both need time to emotionally distance ourselves. We have not seen each other in many months, but we kept up our phone conversations (with infrequent breaks). Now we are going to end those. We need complete distance.

Over the weekend I was thinking a lot about that. I was thinking about how I’m not able to focus on Wife and my marriage while I’m thinking about Meredith. The feelings I have for Meredith are strong, and every phone call keeps the emotional connection alive. I need to end it, and create enough emotional distance that I can refocus on the life I have.

If, somehow, down the road we should be free and single then I have no doubt that we would jump right back to where we were. Because of that confidence there is no reason for me to fret and worry about her love every day. She is not mine. She is not mine to worry about. We cannot be together, and I need to let her go.

If I can let her go, and Wife and I patch things up then my family will be intact. That would make me very happy. I always wanted my children to grow up in a stable loving household. If things should not work out with Wife then I need to be able to face that without Meredith in my ear.

Family is important and I love my family dearly. I never meant to hurt them. I never intended to hurt them. But I did. They don’t know all that has happened. I’m not sure yet, if I will tell Wife. For some personal reasons I cannot tell her now, but must wait a few months to decide anyway. I want to move forward with my focus on my family and Wife.


12 thoughts on “A Focus on Marriage 

  1. Very glad to read this. Family is the most important thing in my opinion. Throughout my husband’s affair I was hoping he would make the decision to keep his family intact. Glad he made the right decision and I decided to give him a second chance. It was/still is hard but family, my marriage and love is worth it. Good luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It will be hard but we’ll worth it. Because you owe it to your family to work things out, if anything you tried your best. Your heart just has to be in it and as painful as it can be, it’s the right path. You both made the right decision. This time will give your clarity in regards to Mistress. You will find out if this is the journey you want.

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  3. As someone who has been in your position- desperately wanting to end an affair- countless times, I can try to give you some practical advice. Do NOT tell your wife. Ever. This is for two reasons, one good and one bad. The good reason is that if you patch things up with her and can be content with only her, you both will spared the eternal poison of adultery looming in the past. The bad reason is that if you decide to restart the affair (or begin a new affair), you don’t want your wife to be following you with suspicious eyes. I truly hope you can mend the situation at home and remain faithful, because of course that is the best thing to do. But also be honest and realistic with yourself. If you need this other woman in your life, it may not be so easy to let go.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I have read this and re-read this post many times since you published and I come to the same conclusion every time.
    If you are as calculated and meticulous as I am than your 4th paragraph tells me that you are not in fact severing your ties with Mistress, you are only ‘putting her in your back pocket’ for now. I don’t know if your realized it or it was your subconscious making an appearance but …. I don’t feel that if you carry that thought around you will be ‘all in’ with regards to your Wife. I would think the the respect you want to give your Wife and the commitment it will take to mend this will require you to be all in.
    Just an observation, I might be completely off ….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe you know how I think quite well. In general I have plans and backup plans and backup backup plans at all times. This is as close as I could go right now. You’re right. It’s not all in, but it is sure better than where I was. Frankly I’m not sure I can ever go all in. It’s just not how my brain works. I constantly hold things and ideas in the background for a later date.

      I am going to start this way. Maybe someday I will see how it goes and be able to get closer to all in. Maybe not. But for now I am at least focused on my wife and family. Thank you for seeing that. I’m not surprised you did :).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. All I can tell you is that as the DOM you should have plan upon plan, but as her DOM it should only hold her best interest at heart.
        At least that’s how I see it and that’s why my Sir has my devotion without question and without plan ‘b’ …. and I think you know just what a step that really is!
        I think you are a good person trying to do the right thing, but maybe you are buying into a fantasy that sleep, time, and responsibility would quickly turn into what you have right now …. if you don’t continue the same amount of excitement in pursuing the Mistress do you really think the outcome will be different?
        I wasn’t sure of the outcome either, but you have seen and read how far we have come …. as a planner, you know it started with me. Just saying …

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sometimes as the DOM the best thing is to let her go. Because of our spouses and children there is no path for Mistress and me without taking the lonely road through divorce. I have to let her do that on her own, and I cannot drag her through mine either.

        What you have is beautiful and worth aspiring to. Someday I do want that. Which is why I continue to hold out hope that we can be together. It would be disingenuous to keep the energy and excitement going with Mistress right now. I must be patient knowing that it could be our future but not our present.

        But I don’t know for sure what the right answer is. I must trust my gut. That’s all I can do right now. I do think the outcome would be different with Mistress because that is how we are together. It is not easy to turn everything off. But doing the right thing often isn’t easy.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You certainly have a hard path ahead of you. I don’t envy your journey but I do wish you all the best of luck.
        At the end of the day, the only road to happiness is to be true to yourself, I wish for you that, with the least amount of hurt as possible for everyone involved.

        Liked by 2 people

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