I spoke with Meredith today. It will be our last conversation for a while. A long while. It’s funny how sometimes two people come to the same conclusion at the same time for very different reasons. Both of us wanted a break. A long break. Long enough to look inside ourselves and our marriages to see what is there.
This time apart from Meredith will be really good for both of us. I think we both need time to emotionally distance ourselves. We have not seen each other in many months, but we kept up our phone conversations (with infrequent breaks). Now we are going to end those. We need complete distance.
Over the weekend I was thinking a lot about that. I was thinking about how I’m not able to focus on Wife and my marriage while I’m thinking about Meredith. The feelings I have for Meredith are strong, and every phone call keeps the emotional connection alive. I need to end it, and create enough emotional distance that I can refocus on the life I have.
If, somehow, down the road we should be free and single then I have no doubt that we would jump right back to where we were. Because of that confidence there is no reason for me to fret and worry about her love every day. She is not mine. She is not mine to worry about. We cannot be together, and I need to let her go.
If I can let her go, and Wife and I patch things up then my family will be intact. That would make me very happy. I always wanted my children to grow up in a stable loving household. If things should not work out with Wife then I need to be able to face that without Meredith in my ear.
Family is important and I love my family dearly. I never meant to hurt them. I never intended to hurt them. But I did. They don’t know all that has happened. I’m not sure yet, if I will tell Wife. For some personal reasons I cannot tell her now, but must wait a few months to decide anyway. I want to move forward with my focus on my family and Wife.