It’s strange how emotions shift in a secret relationship. In a normal relationship it can be difficult to communicate feelings with someone, but when you have to keep the relationship secret with very limited communication it’s near impossible. Insecurities abound.
Even with me. I have heard from Meredith sparsely over the last week, and it has me down today. Not only does it have me down, but also questioning whether she still wants to be with me. It’s ludicrous. This has happened many times, and each time she has shown her love for me to be unbreakable. Still the feeling exists.
In fact, she has been giving me space as I deal with family issues. It is very kind of her. Plus she was moving over the weekend, and took a day or two off to wrap it up. I’m guessing she was with her husband which would make it more difficult to reach out. I’m grateful for her giving me space, and for her taking care of herself.
We haven’t spoken in over a week, and I don’t know when I will speak to her again. Why didn’t she call today? Is she trying to make this a more significant break? Is she so busy in her current life that she is not thinking of me the way I think of her? Is this week her millionth test of her husband?
I know none of that is true. There is a logical explanation, but I can’t ask it. I cannot find out. I must wait to see what she says when I do talk to her again, and I must have faith it will be soon. I need to be the confident man I am with her. Confident of how she feels, and not hung up over a gap in communication.