For the Children

When you think about divorce and children you always wonder what is right for them. Obviously avoiding divorce seems the most logical choice, but is it always right?

In the case of abuse I think it’s easier to consider. If the husband is physically abusive to his wife and children most would justify a divorce. But what about just verbal abuse? Is that enough for justification if one parent or the other was always putting down the other and the children?

Then there is the hopes, dreams and happiness factor. This is probably the weakest factor but very important to me. In this case one parent is no longer happy with their spouse. They are unfulfilled. They feel that there life has become a mirage and they can see their hopes and dreams fading away because their spouse does not support them. It’s often subtle and generally the spouse means very well, but they cannot understand what it is that they are doing to cause the rift.

In those cases is it best for the children if the parents to stay together while one is perennially unhappy? What kind of a home environment does that set for the children? Would it not be better for them to see their parents happy? Just “being together” may not be enough.

If you decide to separate, on the one hand you are tearing the family apart. But in the other you are being strong and standing up for what you need as a person. I do believe that we need to set examples for our children on what type of person we want them to be. Young men will be influenced on how they treat women by how they see their dad treat women. Young ladies will be influenced on how to respect themselves by watching how their mothers respect themselves.

I guess this comes down to, is it better to be in an unhappy marriage to keep the family together or to rip the bandaid off and split the family apart for a try at real happiness?

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5 thoughts on “For the Children

  1. Questions to ponder…

    I had (have) an Aunt and Uncle who stayed together for the kids and it wasn’t good for my cousins. They grew up seeing a loveless marriage never learning the basic acts of kindness and affection between their parents — no cuddling — no kissing — no random acts of kindness. They never learned how to communicate properly because they only saw passive- aggression between their parents. They only saw each of them talk ill about one another.
    I think this shaped them into who (and how) they are now and their own shortcomings as they are trying to build adult relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hit send too fast. 😦
      In this case, I believe that my uncle and aunt should have divorced. Which they did once they kids were in college.
      Spare the kids from getting future therapy sessions. :-/

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Well that is exactly the argument for divorce. My marriage isn’t horrid right now but there are big elements missing. I don’t want my children to see me unhappy and have them feel responsible for it. I don’t want them to see me divorce later and then finally see who I could have been. It’s just really hard. How much could I fake daily happiness? Would they be able to sense the sadness and misery I keep hidden? Will it eventually spill over anyway and I should’ve just taken care of it now while they are young.

      I really appreciate your comments. You really think about what I’m writing, and I can tell you care deeply for people.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww thanks for the compliments.
        I do try to listen and understand as I am best able to… doesn’t mean I have any answers but I comment away anyway. πŸ™‚

        You are right I do care and I do wish I could help people in their pursuit of happiness.

        Liked by 1 person

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