Meg, when people don’t know who they are, they are open either to being Xed, or Named
-A Wind in the Door
Being known is a very important thing. It’s how any two souls will be joined together. There are people who live most of their lives right out for the world to see and understand. They do have inner lives but they are very closely tied to their outer lives.
Then there are us introverted intuitives who live the vast majority of our lives hidden inside our heads. What you see on the outside is a carefully crafted image. The real person, our souls, are not out there for anyone to see. They are protected.
If you want to know us you have to first earn our trust. Without trust you will never get through the wall, and getting through the wall is just the first step. Once you are inside then you must explore. It may seem simple, but it is not. It is an art form all of it’s own. To explore inside an introverted intuitive’s head requires a good mix of curiosity, interest, and lots of really pertinent questions. All those questions lead to answers, and the answers all tie together to help us be known. It is the collective, and it takes time and patience. You slowly inch your way to ever more knowing.
There are many people in the world who barely know of themselves. They do not really know their strengths or weaknesses. They think they know them, but are always fighting the truth to be the version they think is the truth. I really hate watching it. My wife is one of those people. She is forever telling me who she is when she is not. What she tells me is who she wants to be, but not who she is. When what she thinks she is does not work out she is very hurt, and has a hard time understanding it. I explain it to her, but then she gets upset with me for not knowing who she is. But I do know. I know very well. I pay quite a lot of attention to my wife, and I know her and anticipate her better than she does herself. There are times when she has come around on some of the notions she has, and admitted to me that I was right, but it’s not often.
Now if you take one of those people, such as my wife, who does not even really know herself, how can I expect her to really know me? It’s really unfair. I’ve been waiting, and helping her my whole life to understand me better. It’s not really working. There are simple things even after 17 years together that she does not understand about me. Like certain foods I like or don’t like. It’s amazing to me, but she will claim one thing when in reality it is her who feels that way and not me. I point this out to her, and she says “Oh I thought you were that way too.” But I’m not. I’ve never been. I end up looking at her with a very puzzled look because my heart is breaking, but she just turns away and thinks nothing more of it.
Little things like this happen not everyday, but several times per week. I end up creating an entire second life for myself that she is not part of. Mostly it is in my head, but I have tried to make parts of it a reality. I would setup activity nights with various other people to do things that I wanted because I knew that my wife wouldn’t understand. I would do hobbies by myself, and journal my ideas in a private protected journal. I would seek out various other people to engage with, but it was always empty. I lived with my wife, but I lived for myself.
The thing is, most of us want that person we chose as our true love to understand us. When it isn’t that person it’s not really enough. I can have friends who get me. I can have people come into my life to satisfy various needs, but in the end I want my partner to be the one who knows me. The one I can completely open up to. The one who knows my inner world, and still accepts me. The one who helps me explore my own mind. I need that person to be so close to me I can be fully vulnerable. If it can’t be her then perhaps she isn’t the one. Perhaps I’ve been living a lie this whole time. Waiting for things to change. Letting my patience win out over what the rest of me needs. Then there is always the fear of being alone. No one wants that.