I’m not sure if it’s the cold I’m fighting or the end of a long week, but I’m feeling rather overwhelmed today. There are currently a lot of big things going on in my life right now, and it can be difficult to juggle them all.
I’m struggling in my marriage. After 14 years it’s hard to see it going another year. That is really hard to deal with. Plus I have a young daughter and brand new son. They add to the weight that I carry because I want to give them every advantage, yet I feel this will instead harm them.
My girlfriend is dealing with the same issues on her side except more pressing. She is trying to work out a timeline to separate from her husband. As soon as next month it sounds like. Because of this we are not speaking much. On the one hand it causes me no end of worry about her. On the other hand when I am speaking with her I often find myself helping to carry her weight as well. Currently that is somewhat lessened in that she is not allowing me to help her. Honestly it is the right move.
On top of that I’m trying to change jobs. My current job is causing me lots of stress. I’m a very capable and talented person in a field that is red hot right now. It’s just that I have not been on the market for some time. The job I have used to be ok. I liked my bosses. The pay was never that great, the expectations are high and the benefits are average at best. But almost a year ago my bosses changed and it’s been hell. The new boss is a complete asshole. Complete. I’m not even just saying that. He had his first 360 review (ever) and afterward he admitted to everyone that he had been an asshole.
I need to get out. I can be selective and find a good company that takes care of its employees and is ready to use new technology. I may be close to one now. But hunting for a job in all this is stressful.
Side note. I spoke with my girlfriend yesterday via email. It was nice. Cordial. We did not go deep. But about 15 emails were exchanged. She is doing well and focused. From all I can tell she is still working on our plan. She gave little indications about it. I gave her lots of good feedback as well. She said I made her happy and made her smile a couple of times. She also noted how much I get her. She really enjoys that. Being known. It’s so important.